Heartbreak And The Stitches
by bulletproofsince1999
Summary: There's the heartbroken and then there's the one who mends the stitches. But with John and Sherlock, which is which? And will they survive each other's emotions, let alone the new enemies out on the London streets? Rated M for sex, violence, drugs and sexual torture.
1. Chapter 1

Heartbreak And The Stitches

I stood in front of the mirror looking at the face I haven't seen in so long, I almost forgot that I had those cheekbones, or those curls, or those piercing eyes. Damn… it's going to take me so long to get used to life back in London. I was on the run for so long…

A Few Months Earlier…

I returned home from the latest mission, to Mycroft sitting in his chair in the living room. He had one hand holding his phone and he glanced at me and had to take a longer look than usual, "Jesus! Sherlock?! What the Hell happened?" he had asked.

"All you need to know is that I killed them. But, could you get me treated, I fear I've lost a lot of blood and probably have a few cracked ribs. You should…" and I had passed out on his carpet. Those dreams I had were weird, and I don't remember much, but I don't want to remember any of them.

Now…

I ran my hand over my ribs and they were healed, but if I had done anymore, I would have died. I shake it from my head, and button up my white shirt. I tucked it in and grabbed my suit's jacket and buttoned it twice.

As I grabbed my coat from the front door I had walked out to, Mrs. Hudson walked in, "When will you tell John?" she asked.

I cleared my throat. Honestly, I hadn't thought about that, "I don't know. You know what?" she perked up to hear what I was to say, "You tell him. Whenever you think the time is right," I didn't want any trouble and John would only try to cause it. I know he wouldn't mean to, but he probably would.

"I hope you know he's moved on," she warned me. Moved on? I could only imagine what they think went on between us, literally. Never mind that.

"I know." I shrugged, "Which is why you'll tell him. Won't you?" I asked her in search of reassurance.

She sighed and nodded, "I shall. See you later, then Sherlock," she said and I bolted out the door for the air I had been seeking earlier. I breathed in deeply and walked down the sidewalk, in the dark of the night.

The air smelled sweet compared to what I'm used to, and I have longed for the day I could walk among people again. I appreciate their presence, not their annoyance. Which is why I love John. He's there, and keeps you company and doesn't ask questions unless he knows he has to. Or he's annoyed and annoying everyone else around himself. But that was very rare of John. He was usually so quiet.

Then I began to wonder if I'll ever get to see John again. It was the part of the reason I came back from the dead sooner than Mycroft wanted. I had finished off my missions, and everyone is safe, so I don't' see why he wanted me to wait. He had said something about adjusting to civilian life. But, I am not a soldier, and no offense John, but I don't plan to be.

Although, sometimes I swore I acted like a soldier. Keeping my emotions to myself and shooting before I ever bothered to ask who was behind the bullet. Yes, I hated it, but it was what had to be done, and I will never regret the end result.

I ended walking by the restaurant that John and I loved to go to. You know, when I actually did eat something every once in a while. That was the other thing that Mycroft made me do, he made me eat at least once every day, and I hated it.

It does nothing for my thinking process. But I'd never expect Mycroft to understand that, especially my elder and at one point fatter than me brother. But when he was serious, he was serious. And he was serious about losing weight, so he did. But I still tease him with it. It's funny, honestly.

I kept walking and remembered that night I had another nightmare. Mycroft had come into my bedroom, and he had comforted me. It was strange, but I needed it. Especially when I saw the one person I love more than anything die, again and again and again. Yeah, and the person I love just happened to be walking the other way, on the other side of the street.

I flipped my coat collar up and walked behind a building I found closest, and watched him hold Mary. I was jealous, no doubt, but he was happy and that's what counted. At least, to me that's what counted. From there on, I took to alleys to get back to the flat. But when I got back, John was standing right in front of the door.

Damn it! And he didn't have Mary to distract him as he stared at my door. Well, now what? Do I reveal myself? Or wait for my soldier to leave? Wait… he's mine? I always thought so, but I just now realized that I thought this. Wow, about certain things, I can be dense.

I decided to reveal myself, when John turned away. Oh thank God! I slipped through the door and ran up the stairs, only to slam the door behind me. my heart was pounding as I looked outside through the curtains. I laughed at the look on his face.

He was bewildered and disappointed that he hadn't seen me. then I tilted my head as he walked up to the door. No! John don't! don't you dare-! He opened it and walked through. Fuck! No, I can't! I thought I could but I can't! No!

That's when Mrs. Hudson appeared, "Oh thank God! Tell John nothing, unless you wish. But I will be in my room," I nodded and threw my coat on the door and ran back to my room. I shut the door softly and sat on the bed, exhaling deeply. I shuffled through my curls and slipped off my shoes. I removed my socks and wiggled my free toes.

I may as well sleep. And even if I don't, I need to think, and this will be nice. No one will bother me. I remove all of the clothing from my top half and climb under the covers on my side. My head hit the pillow and I heard John's voice, "Hi," he said awkwardly. I remembered his mustache and instantly laughed silently. He looked funny with it.

Then my mind decided to shuffle through all the things about John. His hair, his eyes, his breathing, his lips, his hips… oh God, the way they swayed sometimes. No! I will not do this, not now, and not here. I'm over it. I am not in love with John Watson.

But my mind defied me and thought about him again. His laugh, his kind heart, and somehow this all came down to the dreams I've been having lately. The ones where John and I hook up and then something horrific happens. Quite literally.

I shook my head from all the madness, and tucked it away to deal with it later, and listened to their conversation. I could hear the strain in Mrs. Hudson's voice. She was about to tell John. Please, just don't let him back here. Not now, not when I long for him so much that I would end up going all the wrong way.

"Well, John," tears in her voice, "There may be sadness now, but wait until you hear what I have to say." She cleared the tears and sniffled. Oh God, now was when she had said, "Sherlock is alive. And he's here. Now, would you like to speak to him?" she had good intentions, but I don't think she understands how pissed John would be at him.

But when I heard him, he didn't sound the part I had picked for him. He actually sounded glad, "Really? I- yes. He's in his room?" John had asked. No! No! NO! He can't. he can't! I'm not ready for him. I'm not ready to embrace him with control, because I won't have any! Jesus, no!

I jump up and flip the light on and sit back down on the edge of the bed to think. What should I say? What should I do? I put my fingers to my temples and thought about it so hard that I didn't hear John open the door, "Sherlock?"

I looked at him, my eyes wide with fear of nothing to say. Tears started to form and I bowed my head once more. What do I do? I can't get near him without doing something to him. Ah! Fuck my stupid brain!

I stood quickly, "John. Forgive me. I left you and I am truly sorry," a few tears fell and I embraced him. He kicked the door shut and hugged me back.

"I know. But, I have something to say, Sherlock. I don't care," he said, void of care for the fact that I had left.

I looked my soldier in the eyes, "What?"

"You heard me, detective. I. Don't. Care. Mary left me and now I just don't care because the people I love most keep leaving. So I just don't care anymore," he looked back up at me, he tried to give me a careless look, but he just made it apparent that he cared about it more than anything.

"Yes you do. Shut up," I couldn't control myself when I pressed our lips together. But what surprised me was that he kissed back. Again and again and again, and I enjoyed each time he came back to me.

I pinned him to the wall, "I missed you too much."

"Two years, Sherlock. But I missed you, too." I nodded because I knew. I knew he had missed me, a lot. I just didn't know he cared for me the way I cared for him. His eyes sparkled as he admitted, "I love you," he whispered.

My lips ghosted over his, "I love you more," I finally admitted. What harm can it do now?

"Can I stay here? Sherlock?" he asked. I nodded and kissed him once more. "I mean," when we parted, "Can I sleep with you tonight? I don't want my nightmares to come back. Please?" he begged. I smiled and through my shameful tears I nodded.

He wiped my cheeks with his small but soft hands, "Hey. It's okay," yet he had tears falling as well.

"No it isn't," I admitted for the both of us, "but I would love to have you sleep by my side. It would be nice," I nuzzled John's neck and my curls brushed up against his cheek.

He turned the lights out and stripped down to his underwear, and I did the same as he slipped under the covers that I disturbed. I slid in after him and embraced him from behind. I put my face in his shoulder and finally fell asleep.

But the dreams, despite my efforts hadn't faded…

* * *

**Until next week. Only then will you discover the truth about Sherlock's dreams, and how horrific he can really be to himself... Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

Waking Is The Hard Part

My eyes fluttered closed and I felt the breath of John shuffle through my curls as I drifted into yet another nightmare that was not needed.

I stood on that rooftop again, cell phone to my ear, the words rolled from my tongue and I had a few tears streaking my pale cheeks. But as I watched myself, I listened in on John's voice. Telling me to stop, but I didn't. and as I jumped, I looked over the edge and saw myself on the ground.

Boring. Let's go to... yes. Earlier when John was speaking to Mrs. Hudson and I was hiding out in my room. I watched the fear in my own icy blue eyes, dunce. I was such an, "Idiotic ass? Yeah, that about covers it," I jumped at the sound of Moriarty's smile behind me.

"Shut up. You have no idea how hard it was for me to fall," I know he isn't really here. Even though this was the first time he's appeared in my dreams, I still knew he wasn't real.

"And it wasn't difficult for me to pull the trigger? You really are a heartless bastard," he wrapped his hands around my waist and whispered in my ear, "but that's why I love you," I flinched away in disgust.

"Get off of me," he removes himself from me and suddenly I'm kneeling with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind me. I moved my digits around a bit, zip ties. I opened my groggy eyes, the light was blinding and it feels as though I'd just woken up. It was strange, and it felt so real. But this is what happens when you leave my mind to its own creativity.

He was standing in front of me, "So how is John?" he asked, as if he was concerned. I growl at him and stood to look properly at the room around myself. It was completely white and on the tile in front of me was the blood dripping from my lips. Each time the blood hit the floor, my fingers twitched at the sound. _Drip drop, I am your blood, hear me plop..._

Jim laughed at the sound and I cringed while licking the last of the blood from my lips. My legs could barely hold me as I yelled, "Shut up! Just shut your teeth and with them your lips!"

He grabbed my arse and brought me closer, "Make me," he demanded and our groins were on each other, his eyes were full of enjoyment and lust. Knowing this was a dream, I kissed him. I had no idea why, but I did. I heard something click behind me and knew it was a small pocket knife that Jim revealed from my back pocket. It had been a gift from my brother.

His lips were warm against mine and surprisingly easy to melt into, and he tortured me with the small blade in his hands. He jabbed at my fingers, letting the blood flow freshly and hit the floor once again. My fingers kept twitching as Jim slid his bony fingers in between them.

His tongue slid across my lips and teeth begging for an entrance. I let him in, knowing that if I didn't he would probably hurt me for it. Plus, this experience is intriguing. I was beginning to want a result for this little but of science. Honestly, all I wanted to know was that somewhere in my brain, I think that Jim had a heart.

Because he does, or did. He didn't want to admit it, but he had a beating and sometimes bleeding heart. And I think that he hid all of his heart behind the genius that made him the insane consulting criminal known as Moriarty.

His tongue tasted of candy, specifically of a strawberry flavor and I regretted it when I moaned slightly. The vibration from myself radiated onto his tongue making him tilt his head and explore more of my mouth. This would have felt good if it had been someone else.

But the fact that this was Jim, made it tolerable instead of lovable let alone likable. Yes, he tasted nice and yes, he has skill, but this is strictly an experiment, right? Yes, there's no dou- Oh, God! His body grinding against mine made me forget that he was ever Moriarty and the man I had melted into was Jim.

He cut the ties and my hands instantly went around his waist and pulled him closer. I heard the knife drop to the floor and we disconnected. I rested my forehead against his, and he said, "That was nice. And a good show for your lover," he chuckled.

My what?! John?! He wiped my saliva from his lips, (blood on his fingers from mine), and an invisible door opened and stepped through was a man holding a bundle of fury, my bundle of fury. No, John! "Let the soldier loose on his idiot," Jim ordered.

John was cut loose and he ran to me. He gripped my shoulders looked me in the eyes, "Please tell me, you did not enjoy that?!" he demanded. But, it felt so real, and the pain felt so real, and everything felt as if this was my reality and that when I fall asleep I woke up again and this was what I landed into.

But this was the dream, I knew it was because Jim is dead. "John, I can tell you that the experiment was strictly for information. He may have tasted good, but my intentions weren't... never mind. Just, no. I did not enjoy kissing my enemy," I smiled down on my bruised John.

He had a bruise forming over his left eye and another already formed to his cheek. I stroked his eye, "It's nothing," my soldier had assured me, "nothing that can't be healed with your touch," he smiled sadly. I brushed my lips over his and he crushed us together.

Then one man rushes in and forced John this knees, "No sexual contact." A voice had come over a speaker and I recognized it as Jim's. Of course. He wanted me to be 'his', God! Why was everyone so predictable? Even in my mind!?

"Predictable," I sneered, loud enough for everyone to hear it. John nodded and hummed in agreement. "But, John," he looked to me, even though this wasn't real, "I will save you. I love you and you will leave here alive, I promise," I promised my imaginary soldier. Because honestly, in real life he needs saving, and if I could save him here, I can definitely save him there.

He smiled, "I know, just make sure you get out as well. if you don't I won't. wouldn't want that, now would you?" he chuckled. I shook my head.

I exhaled the breath I'd been wanting to and sat on the floor, my back against the wall. The man was long gone by then and John crawled to sit beside me. I was about to put my arm around his shoulders but hesitated. Nothing happened so I locked my arms around my soldier and he leaned into my chest.

I sighed in satisfaction, but then there was Moriarty, walking through that invisible door, and he grabbed John by his arm, "That's enough," he smiled. He winked at me and drug John out of the room, but John was smiling, and it was wicked. Whatever he was thinking about, he was sure it would work.

His smile had spread to a grin as he was turned away from me. I saw him muster up the courage and his legs swung around from behind him and he turned to face Moriarty, "This?" Moriarty laughed, "You should know that I know how to make you kneel and kiss my shoes," he said as he accepted the silent challenge.

John struck first, his fist launched out into the air and just barely grazed Moriarty's cheek and he grabbed John's hand. John tried to knock Moriarty from his stance, but failed in only kicking him. But I could tell it hurt. But this also made him let go of John's hand.

That was when I gathered the courage and stamina and grabbed Moriarty from behind. I had his wrists pinned behind his back and my other arm around his throat. I gave him a 'loving' kiss on the cheek and that was where John placed his fist next.

John struck again, and again. Moriarty slumped over and was a dead weight in my arms. I dropped him and rushed for that invisible door. When I found nothing, I punched the wall. Luckily, that was where the pin pad was, because when I punched it, it shorted and the door rose from the floor to into the ceiling.

John took my wounded hand (not badly, obviously) and lead me through the maze of halls as if he knew where we were going, "How do you know where to go?" I asked.

"They blindfolded me, but they didn't knock me out, they're mistake. I memorized as much as I could before we stopped. Which was a lot," he said, "they underestimated my abilities as a soldier, again." He growled in frustration at this, but kept pulling me through the white that I couldn't tell what was what in.

We stopped when there were four halls and John was becoming frustrated from confusion. I pulled him to look at me, "John, focus. Close your eyes and remember," he was our only hope of escape.

Then he did something I didn't expect, "This will help," he had said. But when he crashed our lips together, I at first didn't understand. But the way his tongue slid into my mouth past my lips, made me understand what he was doing. So I danced with him and I felt him searching.

It was when I moaned a small vibration that he finally knew. But it was too late, there two men a hall (each, making it eight) running from the halls. They had us surrounded. John and I took out two before too much blood was spilled.

I had blood coming from my nose, my mouth and my cheek. My hand was bleeding profusely then and all of it hurt. But what hurt the most was seeing John struggle more and get beaten even more than he would have if he had surrendered.

Then I started to fight, trying to get to John. The man holding me grabbed my curls and ripped my head back, "Stop," he demanded. I spit in his face and he pulled his arms around my neck, trying to get me to pass out. But I had a little trick I used to pull on my brother all the time.

I placed my fingers around his wrist, and took his pulse now. He was confused, good. I wrapped my hand fully around his wrist and yanked his hand from me, and I spun him into a position where his hand was behind his back, and if it wasn't for my control on emotions, he would have had a broken arm.

I took his pulse then, elevated. But to a measure that made him hyperventilate and he passed out from his own breathing problems. I loved that part. I smiled wickedly as he dropped face first to the floor.

I turned to see John kick his out and I rushed to him again, "By the way," he said, panting, "your blood tastes weird," he laughed and I joined him. He pulled me down another hall and just when there was only one more door, it opened and there was Moriarty. Covered in blood and seething with anger. The other four men had caught up with us now.

"Stop!" he shouted at us. I rolled my eyes and tried to push past him, "Nope!" he dragged me back by one arm, and threw me on the floor in front of him. He straddled me and punched me in the temple, "Stay down," he demanded and bent over me. My hands were ready to defend against whatever he was going to do, when a scream ripped from John's throat.

He tried to grab Moriarty but he was too fast for my soldier. He grabbed John by the throat and slammed him on the tile, "I said, stay! Listen when your master speaks!" he let go and went back to me. And as Moriarty placed his lips to mine, I heard John gasp and take in raspy breaths.

I resisted and he grabbed my wrists, and pinned them to the floor, he kissed my neck which was followed by a love bite and my hips bucked under him as I tried to remove the criminal from me. He only held me down tighter and bit me harder.

"Get off!" I screamed.

"No," he resisted and grabbed the crotch of my pants. He squeezed me extremely tight and I gasped which was followed by a scream, "Shut up!" he slide his tongue in my mouth and I grunted against his hold.

His hand on my groin had softened and he began to try to stroke me. It felt so disgusting. When I resisted, he squeezed me again, harder. I was throbbing, and not in a good way, when he let go. I moaned in pain and he grabbed me by the hair, and when my head rolled back he gave rough kisses to my neck.

He bit me to the point of blood, and licked it from my pale neck, laughing. His men took John from the floor as he ordered, "Take him back to his original holding facility. We don't need him anymore," he smiled at me and I glared at him.

"Get off," I ordered. He stood and grabbed me by my curls, and pulled me up with him. I ripped his fingers from my hair, and followed him when he pulled me by my injured hand that just then started to hurt. He smiled when I winced.

From then on, I showed no pain. He drug me back through the halls and shoved me back in the same room, except now there was a table with things on it. It had the bare minimum of what I needed to fix my hand.

The door behind me closed and I rushed to the table. Rubbing alcohol, gauze and tape. Bastard. But, I fixed it the best I could. Then something fell from the ceiling and hit me in the head. It was a water bottle. I taped the last of the gauze and picked up the bottle with my good and right hand.

I drank some before I stripped my shirt and poured it over my face. Might as well, I had injuries everywhere. I picked up my shirt and wiped the blood and water from my face. Luckily, this one wasn't my favorite and it was black. My favorite was the purple one, John liked it, too. That I knew. I chuckled lightly: The Purple Shirt Of Sex, he called it. We had never had sex, but it was always when I wore that shirt that he would try and then we got disturbed.

I felt myself over, looking for any other spots that may have been hurt and I don't know it yet. And I found only one other thing, my hip was bruised. But I was NOT about to strip my pants to examine it more. I'd wait until I was out of here, and that would be soon. Very soon.

But as the room dimmed because someone was turning the lights out, I slid to the floor and put my head in my hands and my knees to my chest and fell asleep…

I woke again, sweating and John beside me. I sat up and looked down on him, his face was normal, like always, and I was healthy as ever. Then what? Never mind, it was just a dream, a vivid dream, but still just a dream.

I flopped back down and kissed John lightly on his perfect lips, "Hey," I sighed.

He chuckled, "Hi." He kissed my nose, and it tickled. I smiled and he kissed me on the lips before snuggling into my embrace. I didn't want to move. But I had to, if I was going to help John and solve cases I would have to move. Ugh…

* * *

**I know, not very scary, but it will get worse... You guys should review this... Please?**


	3. Chapter 3

The Wicken Girl

Before I had to move, "John," he hummed he was listening, "This," I waved to the mustache as I laughed softly, "needs to go," I smiled at my demand.

He chuckled, "Does it?" he teased and nuzzled into my neck.

I giggled, "Stop it. And yes. I prefer my doctors clean shaven."

He grinned, "Then no kisses until then," he pretended to be mad at me.

"Oh, now that's just not fair," I complained and pouted. He kissed me on the cheek, "Not enough," and I pulled him in for a real kiss. Then my cell vibrated in my pocket, on the floor. I dug through my pants and found the damned thing.

Text from Lestrade: _This one's a bit weird. – GL_. I sighed.

I stood, "I'll be back," I said, "This won't take long." And it won't. Usually the weird ones are the easy ones.

"Actually," he sat up, "Could I get a shower and come with? I need to think about something aside from… the things I've been thinking about." He looked up at me, his eyes begging me to say yes.

"Very well, then. Our first case back, hurry up." I changed and slid my cell in my pocket as I marched out to the living room. I stole John's chair, as it was the closest, and went through the texts I ignored last night. All boring. Telling me about how worried my brother is for John.

I know about the threat of me in John's life. I knew about this before I even shared a flat with the man, just never bothered to care because he still lives. If John dies, it will be because I am already dead, for real. Even when I Fell, I looked after John.

I looked up to John standing in the doorway. He cleared his throat, and I raised my eyebrows, "Yes?" I asked.

"You're in my chair," he complained.

"I am your chair. Stop complaining." He smiled as I slipped my phone away again. I stood and kissed the soldier, the hair on his upper lip now gone. But the kiss ended as soon as it started and I grabbed our jackets, threw his at him and we descended the stairs at a rapid pace.

I was excited to get to the crime scene for the first time in years. Especially now that I had John again. Despite what John thinks, he does help. He keeps me focused. He's quiet and listens and most of all, he doesn't ask stupid questions.

I hailed a cab and repeated the address that Lestrade had texted me earlier while John was still in the shower.

I tried to take his hand, but he just cuddled up into my coat, and I have to say, he looks adorable this way. I smiled and planted a kiss on the top of his head. His arms wrapped around my waist felt new, but the physical contact was good. Usually, I hate people up against me, but this was different somehow.

Once we had stopped, I paid the cabbie and we stepped out to a field, a pond and a road. And further down was a house. I walked up to Lestrade who was standing beside a body, "He drowned, we're certain of that, but he isn't in the water."

Really… he could have been- I looked closer, no, it wasn't a human that drug him out. "Does the family over there," I pointed to the house, "have a dog?" I asked.

Lestrade shrugged, "I don't know."

"Are you suggesting the dog did that?" Ugh, Anderson.

I turned to him, "No. But he's not in the water, so he was drug out of it, and it wasn't a human that pulled him out. I can assure you that. shut up, Anderson," the words fell out of my mouth and I'm sure he understood what I had said, but just barely.

He rolled his eyes and went back to whatever he was uselessly doing, and I went back to solving this case in less than an hour. The man was missing an eye, human. He was also missing a few finger on his left hand, the dog.

Lestrade came trotting back from the house, "Yes. And it was a big dog, why?" he wasn't here to hear me yell at Anderson. So I told him and went back to it. There's got to be something to indicate who has done this.

I mumbled the deduction I had made so far, "Mid twenties. Divorced, two kids. Brown haired brown eyed businessman. The human took the eye for… purposes (still not completely sure) and the dog was dumb and ate the fingers… then what else?!" I screamed the last part. John was standing close enough that he heard everything.

"Sherlock," I scowled at the soldier behind me, "It's okay, you'll solve it with time. Like you always do," he smiled. I rolled my eyes at his pointless efforts.

The only thing I could think of would have been witchcraft. But why would someone do that? it's not real, is it? No, it isn't. but there are the people that believe in it, and would do stuff for it anyway.

"Witchcraft! It's not real, but there are still those idiots who believe in it and 'sacrifice' people. There's got to be something that has to do with this. John, when we get back to the flat, would you look that up for me?" he nodded, "In the meantime, Lestrade, you should search the family for Wickens. Probably won't find one, but just to be sure," I assured him.

They all looked at me as if I was crazy. I just might be, but that doesn't matter because I'm a crazy genius. I waved my hands about for them to move and take my orders as they always do. Lestrade snapped out and ordered them to do as I had said, and John and I dismissed ourselves home.

On the carbide home, I thought about if there could be a Wicken anywhere nearby, if there isn't one in the family. I don't know anyone who is a Wicken, but I'm sure there's someone who is and I don't know about it. See, this is why I hate not knowing something. Because if I don't, I can't solve cases like I want to.

I looked to John, who was staring at me already. I smiled and he blushed. I offered myself up for cuddling and he took my offer gladly. He snuggled up into my chest, his ear over my heart and I thought about this more. So, why didn't the dog drag it off somewhere and try to bury it? Maybe the person caught it and stopped it and the dog never came back.

I tightened my grip on John's shoulder as this became more irritating the more I thought about it. "Stop thinking about it, then."

I looked down to him in confusion, realizing that I had said that last part aloud. "You know, before I met you, I was always silent. Now, I talk to myself as if someone is listening because usually you are," I sounded as if I was complaining, but I wasn't. And he knew that, which is why he smiled.

I slid my finger under his chin and made him look me in the eyes. He smiled even wider and kissed me. I was about to do more, then the cabbie yelled at us. "You're here! And I will have none of that I my cab!" we acted scared and when we were finally free, we looked at each other and laughed. Through the hall, up the stairs and when I had closed the door.

Every time we stopped, we looked to each other and laughed again. "'I will have none of that in my cab!' Roar!" John mocked the cabbie, and we laughed again.

We were finally able to calm ourselves and wipe the tears from our eyes. "Why was that so funny?" I asked my blond doctor.

"I don't know. But it was hilarious!" he grinned. We removed our coats and I hung them by the door as always. He plopped down in his sitting chair and grabbed his laptop. He started doing as I had asked him earlier. A small smile played over my lips at the fact that he follows my orders.

I sat down and removed my shoes, planning to stay, even if I solve the case. Then he removed his own and brought his legs up to sit cross legged in his chair. Interesting, I've never seen him do that before. Then again, I've never seen him so focused on his computer screen.

And now, I can't even focus on what I'm supposed to, I just kept watching John. He gave disgusted reactions, and others that said that he thought those made sense. Then he got frustrated when he couldn't find something that fit the bill.

He sat back in his chair and huffed in irritation. He turned the screen to me, "Well, here's some, but I don't think we can narrow it down anymore," he sounded aggravated.

I kneeled in front of him to look at his computer properly. "Hmmm." These were interesting and half of these, no one would be interested in anymore. But there was one that caught my eyes as interesting. I was actually just about to look away when I saw this.

It was a type of love spell, that united people. But not just a couple, a whole family. As in, 'You're having family issues? Try this!' it just interested me because then I got a text from Lestrade: _They said none of them are Wickens. But The father is missing, has been for a day. But the weird part is that the daughter didn't seem to concerned. And yes, the man was their father. But she still didn't seem too upset. – GL_

_Was she trying to fake it? – SH_

_No, that's the weirdest part. She seemed… content. Needless to say, we brought them in for questioning, one by one, and she even admitted using magic to try to help. Obviously it didn't. But the father was a violent drunk, so she had a motive. - GL_

_Whatever. So it's solved then? – SH_

_Yes – GL_

I turned off my phone, for good. I threw it on the couch and looked up at the doctor who was staring at me, "You seem to like staring at me," I smiled.

"You're pretty and interesting. Who wouldn't?" he grinned down at me. I closed the computer and put it on the floor beside his chair.

I rested my head on his knee and he slid his fingers through my curls. He pulled one of them out straight and let it recoil, "You know, if you had straight hair, it would be down past your ears," he observed.

"I know," I said looking up again and smiling. He let out a breathy chuckle and smiled once again.

I stood, grabbing his knees for support, and when I was finished, I looked down at John. I laid my hand on his cheek and he leaned into it as I stroked his temple with my thumb. I glanced at his watch, that wasn't there… damn.

But I decided to not care. It's still daylight, so somewhere around maybe 2:00. Instead, I sat on top of the short blond under me. The way my legs spread out over his made him support me automatically, which I was glad for.

I put my forehead to his and smiled, sighing. My lips settle over his and we both end up grinning, which allowed me to slip my tongue through his soft lips. We danced we each other for domination over each others' mouths and I giggled into him, which he returned with a moan.

He tilted his head in a way that helped him get deeper and he grabbed my arse, bringing me down again from the position I had taken over him. This made my bum brush over his groin and he still wasn't aroused. Not that I was trying to get him to that point, I just noted that it would take a lot more than just brushing over him.

Also, there's the fact that I'm not easily aroused either. I never was, I mean, yes, I've masturbated, but not as much as the average male. It doesn't interest me. well… there were those few times that John had pulled something and I had to hide that all fucking day, but other than that, no one else has ever gotten me aroused.

Even Adler didn't do much. Yes, she was attractive, but I didn't like her personality as much as I like John's. this was why I never got interested in anyone, because I didn't like their personality. Sure, there was Molly, but things would have gotten awkward if we got together and then split.

This was also why I was still a virgin. I just never got interested. Plus, almost no one has ever been interested in me in return. Yes, when I was a teen, I liked pretty girls, but then they deceived me, and I leaned more towards guys and they hurt me, too. So I had given up. Then there was John. Dear, adorable and sexy John.

Then I was reminded, "So," I settled and looked at him correctly, "How did things with Mary go?" I asked.

The mention of her made him smile then frown, "We're still friends. Sort of. We have to work together so we had to make up, just a little. She still hates me and I still regret everything. why do you care?" he eyed me suspiciously.

"I just wondered. You seemed to like her a lot. That's all." I instantly felt guilty for bringing it up, but I had to ask. And if it hadn't been now, it was later, and later wasn't good enough.

"It's fine, Sherlock. Just…"

"I won't mention it again. I just had to ask, you know?" he nodded in understanding. Again, the way he loves people so willingly, "Why do you love me?" I had the sudden urge to ask, and I had.

"Why?" he asked in confirmation. I nodded, feeling lost. "Well," he couldn't really find the words. Then he did, "You're you. The way you act. The fact that you say you have no feelings, but I can see right through you." he chuckled, "The fact that everyone else is oblivious to your inner workings, and I understand them completely. And despite what people think, we are very alike in many ways," he observed.

"Oh?" I ask, telling to go on.

We're both soldiers," I was confused, "We both fought and still fight a war with the people around us. disapproving and yet we don't care. Then there's the fact that we were both alone before we met. And we both despise Mycroft," we laughed softly at that one. "But," he continued, "we are different, but all the same," he said.

"I guess so," I never guess. But with this, I feel stupid. Because, "I never was able to observe that for myself. I always knew there was a bond between us, but I didn't think it was like that." and I just then realized that I had said all that out loud. I really need to keep my mouth shut.

"A bond?" he seemed surprised.

"Yes. I thought it was just a friendly thing. But apparently not," I admitted and laughed nervously.

"So, when you can't keep your mouth shut is when you need to, and when you need to say something, is when you're completely silent?" I nodded, feeling like an, "Idiot."

I looked back up at him, smiling. "I am, aren't I?" yeah. He nodded, "But you know you love me anyway," I grinned.

"I do," he admits. I would ask why, but he already answered that for me. "Speaking of Mycroft, how do we break this to him?" he asked.

"We don't," I say, "he'll figure it out at some point. Probably when we first walk in the room," honestly, he will. It'll be obvious when I waltz in, holding John's hand. I planned on doing that, too. Walking in, holding John. It would be funny to see Mycroft's face with that one.

(The rest of this day wouldn't have been interesting to a reader such as yourself, it was just watching crap telly and cuddling with John in my chair. It was nice to be in that situation, but for someone to read about, it would have bored you to death. So let's skip to that dream I had that night. That was interestingly terrifying.)

I wrapped myself around John and laid my head on his chest, "I love you," I had said.

I could hear the smile in his voice, "I love you, too," he had said. I fell asleep in his arms, but my nightmares didn't feel like giving me any peace…

* * *

**Haha! Cut you off at the dream again! But this dream will be horrifying. I promise... But do please review... **


	4. Chapter 4

My Meadow of Tortures

I dozed off into a deep sleep, only to feel John being ripped away from me. I screamed, as I was literally thrown into a meadow of flowers and wheat that stood to my hips when I got to my feet.

I looked around myself, nothing but flowers and wheat and a few weeds here and there. Just an endless meadow and the sun was beating down on my pale skin. Luckily, I didn't burn easily, plus, this is only a dream.

That was when Jim appeared behind me, and grabbed my hips, "Sherly!" he exclaimed as if he was happy to see me and we were a couple. Well, we are, but not the way I am with John. We're more of enemies playing a game, and in this fantasy of a game, he wants us to be a couple, and secretly, I'd always wondered what it would have been like to have a criminal mastermind as a boyfriend.

I know, I'm extremely weird, but it's true. He kissed my neck as I had said, "Shut up, James," knowing he despised his name. He never let anyone call him that.

He squeezed my waist and bit me harder than he would have if it was a love-bite. It almost drew blood. "You will not use that name against me," he growled.

"And why not?" I purred tilting my head to the side so that our cheeks rubbed against one another's. "It suits you," I suddenly became very dark. I knew why he hated this name, even if he didn't want me to know.

Then he did draw blood when he bit me again, but he 'apologetically' licked it off and kissed the mark as if he wanted it to disappear, but we all know he didn't. It was his mark that said he owned me.

Then John appeared, and saw me in this position with Jim, and I wasn't struggling to free myself of his grip (I fucking gave up at this point), "Sherlock?"

I sighed in frustration and growled, "Get off of me. This is inappropriate and you know it," I complained to Jim. Since when have I ever cared if something is inappropriate? Oh yeah, there's John.

"Oh, I know, I just don't care," he grinded against me and I could feel him against me, it wasn't nice. Another growl ripped through my vocal cords as I pushed myself from him and fell into John.

I looked down on my confused soldier, and kissed him before Jim ripped me from him again. The grip he had on my neck wasn't surprising, seeing as he had very long fingers, but what surprised me was how well he could hold said grip.

But this was my dream, and anything is possible, just not what I want. He licked my cheek and tried to palm me through my pants, but I grabbed his hand and dug my nails into his palm, "Don't touch me," I warned.

"Or?" he challenged and placed his hand where he had originally wanted to.

"Or, I will rip you apart piece by piece and John can watch you be torn to shreds by such a 'weak and defenseless detective'." I loved threatening people. Especially when I worked for Mycroft in disconnecting the Moriarty Network, I threatened them and then I went through with the threat I gave them. It was fun.

He was grinding up against me again, "I doubt you," he challenged. John was about to stand, when I did something that made him stop.

I pushed myself back into Moriarty's groin and when he moaned in displeasure, I turned and with a swift motion the back of my right hand hit his cheek and my left swung after it, making him fall to the ground. "Watch your tongue, 'Consulting Criminal'," I warned again, "It just may fall out," I grinned.

He snapped his fingers and three men appeared. One took John, another tried to handle me, and the last stood by Moriarty. One if his trusted and loyal ones, I suppose. John gave up trying, but I kicked and screamed for them to put me down and unhand me this instant. They obeyed none of my orders.

"Lock them away again, they haven't proved anything to me. Yet," Moriarty stood. The men holding us threw us to the ground. But as I hit the earth, it broke into pieces and I started falling, "John!" the scream slipped past my throat and through my lips.

But then I landed on my ass, in what looked as though it was a rabbit hole. But that quickly disappeared into a white room. The one I was in the last dream my mind had conjured. But, where's the earth I was sitting in? It doesn't matter, it's probably long gone. This is my mind, after all.

But when I appeared now, John was chained to the wall I had sat up against. The chains only restricted his hands, but they were high enough up that his feet barely touched the tile beneath him. He had a bloody nose and a spot on his temple had been ripped open.

But when I got closer, I could see that this spot was too big to have been a fist, it looked like it was from a piece of metal or something, "Sherlock," he groaned. "Run!" he whispered as loud as he could.

I rushed to his side and made him look at me, he had a concussion, "No. I will never. Who did this?" I asked, knowing it had to have been one of Jim's men.

"I don't know," he admitted. I exhaled in frustration. I ran my fingers through my hair as I heard him speak again. I bent to where I could listen to his whispered, "I love you, but this is not what I had in mind for our relationship," he tried.

"Well, don't feel too bad, because I never thought we'd be here, either. I thought this was all over. But my mind won't let it rest, apparently," I admitted.

I lifted his chin with my forefinger to see all the damage left from the pain afflicted. No, just what I had seen before, the gash on his head, and a bloody nose. I hated this. Even though it was just a dream, it still pulled on my heart strings; and just when I thought I had none…

I stroked his hair from his face as I tried to find something to wipe the blood off of him with. But I found nothing. Instead, I ripped my shirt off and used that (this surprised me, because usually I don't like my clothes getting dirty. At all. Ever.). The crimson stained the white but I didn't care. Then I did something I never thought I'd catch myself doing.

I ripped a piece off of the bottom, to wrap it around John's head as a bandage. I didn't think I could ever, but I cared more about John then I did about a stupid shirt._ Besides_, I smiled, _with him around, it probably won't stay on for very long anyway._

He was confused, "What're you smiling at?" he squinted at me as if he couldn't see me properly.

"Nothing, just the thought of us, when we're finally completely alone…" I let his mind wander as mine did. He chuckled as he reached what I was thinking about.

"Yeah. That would be nice," he smiled. I nodded in agreement. "But we can't very well do that with being here," he seemed to complain.

I shrugged. Then I remembered that his feet weren't able to touch the ground, and that must hurt him. So I sat in front of him, and scooted all the way back to lean on the wall, and have his thighs rest on my shoulders. I'm glad I'm taller than him, or this wouldn't have worked so well.

But he let out a sigh of relief, and I smiled again. "Comfortable?" I asked, sure he could hear the smile in my voice, and I looked up to meet his smile.

"As good as it's gonna get. No offense, but I still wish were back at the flat," he said. I nodded, yeah. My mind does very well with faking John. I even got how soft his skin is against mine when I stroke it (I've been stroking his feet and thighs, I know. Again, I'm weird).

My finger stroked his thigh lovingly and I bowed my head at myself for torturing John in such a way.

"Speaking of torturing John," everything changed and suddenly I was standing next to a table. And Jim was standing behind me, again. But it wasn't just any table, it had John (of course) strapped to it and he already had a bruise over his ribs. No tears, but blood was everywhere.

Jim kissed my neck and I shivered as he shoved something in my hand, it was cold as his fingers were warm. I looked down and it happened to be my riding crop. Really? He bent my fingers around it and raised my hand, "Strike him," he ordered in a seductive way.

"No," I defied him. John whimpered at the possibility of being hit with that. And it does hurt. I would know, I've used it and it's been used on me.

"You must," he said, a little more stiffness in his voice. I repeated my defiance with silence. He tightened his grip, "Do it, or you go on that table yourself," he threatened. I shook my head once in denial.

He turned me around and our eyes met as he bent me over John, "If you won't, I will," he grinned at that possibility. My lips curled into disgust, and I still didn't do anything. He leaned into me and took the riding crop from my fingers, I couldn't do a thing because the small of my back caught on the corner of the table.

All I heard was a crack and John's whimper to follow. Jim's eyes stayed glued to mine as I saw what I feared most, bloodlust, and it was getting worse every time the riding crop made contact with John's thighs and abdomen, and after each hit, he wanted to do it again.

I closed my eyes tight and wished it would stop, but I can't do anything, because he has me pinned to the corner of the table, and if I were to have moved, it would have killed me, literally. I hate that human instinct stays, even in dreams.

But then suddenly, I didn't care. As I ripped myself from the table, the corner cut me and I knew I was to die, but I didn't care. I pushed Jim off and turned to see John before I passed out, supposedly dead.

But instead I woke up screaming and kicking. I put my hands to my ears to drown out the sound of John screaming in pain. Then John was quiet and beside me and I finally noticed I was in my room, "Sherlock! Calm down. Whatever happened, it's gone now, I'm here."

I lifted the covers and cuddled into John's stomach, partly because he was John and partly because I wanted to make sure it was all a nightmare. "John," I sobbed. The tears hit his perfect skin and he curled around me.

"It's okay, I won't leave. I love you, it's okay," he kept muttering to me. his fingers threaded through my hair, trying to calm me, and it worked enough that the tears had gone, but the feeling of John being hurt was still there.

Honestly, that dream only worked because I know how much I hurt John, and how much Jim would have if I hadn't almost killed John myself. Then again, I didn't think I mattered so much to him. All I knew then was that I loved him and I would always die for him if I was given the chance.

I sniffled and risked a glance up at John. My position had changed to where I was laying back into him and between his thighs. He looked back down at me, and smiled, as one tear fell.

I wiped it from existence as I sat up and turned to face him. My hips settled in between his and I leaned in close enough that our noses were touching, "I'm so sorry, John."

"For?" he looked confused but I knew he knew what I was speaking of.

"Everything," I admitted. He shook his head and smiled as he kissed me. I accepted this and kissed him back. Then I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It's morning anyway. that was when I had noticed that the sun was just peeking through the window in my room. "Damn," I swore.

"Hmm?" John's eyes found mine again.

"We have to get out of bed," I complained. He rolled his eyes at me and I kissed him again.

"Ever gonna tell me what you have nightmares about?" he asked. I shook my head at his request. Never. It hurts me, and me only. John will never know. "And why not?" he asked.

"Because they're mine. They hurt me, and no one else. Just be glad I even let you sleep with me, I considered not, since I've been having bad dreams like that."

"Well, just know that if you ever want to tell someone, I'm always here," he offered himself. I nodded, I know. I just don't care, because I'll never tell anyone.

"Well, you have to get your pretty butt to work, so I'll get dressed and try to find something to do while you're gone," I assured him.

"It's pretty now?" he asked, smiling. I nodded, grinning. He chuckled, "Okay. Right then. Well, I do have to get to work, so." He huffed and moved to the edge of the bed, where he stood.

I looked for good measure, yeah, he's pretty. I looked up to his eyes on me, and I blushed. He laughed as he stepped out into the hall and to the bathroom, where I heard the water running. I laughed as I stumbled from the bed.

I dressed and went to the living room where the light was shining bright through the window beside the couch. I sighed as I plopped into my sitting chair. I checked my text messages and there were none, thank God. I really don't want to do much. I have a few experiments to finish and that's about it.

John walked out in his tan jumper with a plaid flannel underneath. He slipped on his shoes as he dried off the last of his blond hair. It was still damp, but he looked amazing.

I pulled him closer with the belt loop on his jeans, "Hey Sexy," I flirted as he threw the towel at my face. I laughed as it fell to the floor.

"Hey yourself, Love," he smiled and blushed. He put his hands to my hips and I ducked down to kiss him. He tasted minty. Hehe. I put my forearms on his shoulders to make him stay close. I looked into his dark blue eyes and chuckled at the fact that they were so pretty.

By this time, I had completely forgotten the nightmares and kissing John became the main thing on my mind. My tongue slipped through his soft lips and a small moan escaped my doctor. "Mnnm," was my response.

"I have to go," he complained. I let him go and he grabbed his coat as I leaned against the door. "Sherlock," he warned.

"One more," I whined the question to my blond. He sighed and pulled me down to meet his lips. He was about to pull away, but I lingered on his lips. I made this one passionate, seeing as I won't see him all day. I smiled as we parted, "Bye, Sexy," I tapped his ass once and he was out the door, blushing so hard it was scarlet.

I laughed as I closed the door. I think I have a new nickname for him now. I pulled my cell out of my pocket again, and there were still no texts. I was sure that by then my brother would start fucking pestering me, but I guess not.

I laid it down on the table as I sat in a chair. My feet tapped the floor in a rhythm to one of my favorite tunes as I leaned over my microscope. Okay, I didn't leave anything out. That would have been bad.

The plant I was experimenting on was sitting on the windowsill of the kitchen window, so I scooped it up and set it down on the table. I prepared a slide as I extracted some of the soil. My results were interesting, but I couldn't stop thinking about other things.

John seemed way more interesting, but then I remembered my dreams, and I instantly regretted everything I had done to him. How he was still breathing was beyond me. This was also one of the reasons I loved John. He confused me, but in a good way.

I hate to compare him to this, but he reminds me of my cases. They confuse me to no end, until I find more evidence and then there's the answer. But with John, he seemed to be my never-ending case. I may find evidence of him, but I will never be able to fully solve who he is and how the hell he managed to stay the way he is.

I was still curious of how he still loved me. if I was him, I would have hated my gut and thrown me out the first time I saw my face. but he welcomed me with open arms. Almost literally. And that's the other ting, I expected him to punch me, but instead, he slept with me. Haha, no sex, just sleep, I swear. But I wish… never mind.

I tried to focus on my work, but gave up. As I was cleaning everything off, I heard my phone chirp. I dried the slides and slid them into their original place beside my microscope and I dried my hands as I picked up the cell.

I was cautious for some reason, when it could have just been my brother. But that doesn't seem possible now. Usually if he's going to bother me, he'd do it before then. It could be John, or Molly. Or maybe even Lestrade.

I hadn't even pulled up the lock screen, and it chirped again and I screamed, it falling from my hands. I caught it again just before it hit the floor. I let my heartbeat settle as I unlocked it. But that wasn't the only surprise I got.

I opened my text messages and the new ones said: _Dinner? I'm starving. _And the second one: _Come on, play with me again… - M_

* * *

**Hehe... Ji****m's back, and Sherlock is having nightmares about him, how well do you think that'll gloss over? By the way, now that I'm not as distracted, I will update this story whenever I can instead of every week. So I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. But please do tell me what you think so far... : )**


	5. Chapter 5

Craving This Disaster

At first I was dumbfounded, but then I gathered my senses and deduced that this isn't really Moriarty. So I texted back: _That's not possible – SH_

_And why not?- M_

_You're dead- SH_

_Apparently I'm not. Why don't we discuss this over lunch?- M_

I sighed in frustration. Well, if he isn't alive, no one can meet me, right? But with the way he was pressing a meeting, I'm starting to doubt that he died. _Where?- SH_

_Your favorite place, of course- M_

Whatever: _You won't be there- SH_ I grabbed my coat and slipped on my shoes as I ran down the stairs of my building. He can't be alive. Then why am I nervous about meeting him? Oh yeah, because if I meet him this means the game isn't over.

Please let his insanity not be as bad as it is in my dreams. That would mess me up. Because then I'd have nightmares in my world and the real one. I don't have time to be paranoid, I only have time for what I need to do.

So I walked down to my favorite place, well. When I do eat, it's my favorite. Plus, I take John here to eat when he needs to eat. I sucked in a breath and just before I opened the door: _If I'm not here, then why are you nervous?- M_

Oh God, no. I pulled the door open, and walked in. There weren't many people here, just the usual old couple and a group of teens in the corner, but none of them will look over here. But I looked over here to find a man, in a suit, sitting in the usual place I do.

So I took the place John likes to take. "Jim," I hid the fear that was building up inside me.

He turned to meet my eyes, "Hi! So, how's John? And Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson?" all the people he would have killed. I avoided showing emotion as I perked up.

"They're fine. Well, yeah, they're fine," I faked a smile. His brown eyes dug into mine and I was rooted to the spot as he smiled a smile that would have other men backing away in fear.

"So," he started again, "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now and say I won?" so the game wasn't over, I've just been idle. Damn.

"Because the game is more interesting now," I leaned back and kept the smile on my face. I am actually slightly amused. The fun is back.

"Is it?" he questioned my reasoning.

"Well, all of your pawns are gone, and most of mine are. We're limited on resources, so we'll have to get creative, now won't we?" I explained to him. God, I sound as crazy as he does. Then again, if I was raised the same as he, I would probably be the same way, which made me itch to get away.

"I guess we will," he grinned, his whiter than white teeth showing. He laced his fingers together and put them under his chin and rested his elbows on the table. He just stared at me as the grin faded into just a smile. "Has anyone ever told you how yummy you look when you're trying to hide things?" his hands shifted to land on the table.

"Um, no," I tilted my head in confusion, "No one has ever said I was 'yummy'. People have called me sexy and adorable but never that," I straightened myself and folded my hands in my lap.

"That's a shame," he seemed to be genuinely sorry for those who haven't called me something strangely flattering. "So," he changed the subject, "I saw you disable my game board. It was impressive," he complimented.

"Well, the game board was impressive itself," I admitted. It was though. The pieces had scattered after their king died, and I had to find them all. And the way they blended into the other side was particularly fun.

"I'm glad you think so. But now I'll have to make another, I'll have you know it took me a while," he seemed to be complaining.

"And I'm sure it won't take you very long to put it back together. That is, if you didn't have me on your ass," I grinned.

"See, but you on me is so much more interesting than you being six feet under, isn't it?" I have a feeling he was trying to flirt, but I don't like it. Therefore, I don't respond to it.

But, "Yes, in your case, that would be fun, wouldn't it?" I asked.

"I don't know, it depends on how good you are," I think this conversation went off in two directions.

"From the reactions, I'm as good as you want," I gave up and tried to flirt back. Somehow, I like this. It's not like I want him, but flirting is fun. Although, if John was here, he'd be jealous and whatnot.

"I hope so, for your sake," he tempted me. "And for John's. By the way, how did you get someone so strong and kindhearted to like you of all people?" he asked.

My brows furrowed, "What interest do you have in John?" I thought he wanted to kill him to get to me. But he complimented John as if he wanted him.

"So, I can't compliment you on your boyfriend? You're nice," he said sarcastically. Then he pulled a stick of gum from his pocket and popped it in his mouth.

"No, it's… it sounded like more than that," you know, if someone else heard us talking, they'd think we were exes. Or maybe at the very least old friends who had lost touch, but more like exes from the way he flirts. Can't blame him though, I've been flirting as well.

"So what if I am interested? I can like whoever the hell I want, and besides," he leaned in closer, "I'll only get him if you want me to," was he trying to tell me that he's going to steal my John? No, he can't be saying that. Because it's not possible for him to be taken from me.

"Then you'll never have him," I declared.

He nodded and smiled again, "Hm, keep thinking that," he said, almost as if he knew my future.

"I'll keep knowing that, yes," I said as if it was the answer to a question he asked me. He nodded again as if to say, "Okay, sure…" so I said, "Even if I did leave john, he wouldn't go out with you."

"Don't be so sure. Besides, I'm not interested like that. Our case is different (John and I's)," he smiled as the gum he chewed made noises in between his teeth. "So, for the past two years, I've been an assassin, what were you doing? Besides disabling my game board," he asked.

"I did the random cases. Especially ones that lead me slowly back to London. It was the most fun I've had in my life. You would have liked it, it was dangerous. I even came back from one mission with broken ribs," he nodded and his mouth formed into a "not bad" frown.

"Nice. But…?" how did he know there was a "but"? oh yeah, it's Moriarty.

But I wish John had been with me, "But nothing. It was amazing. There was no one to get in my way, and I was almost dead each time," I smiled for real as I remembered the one woman that begged me not to, and the snap of a neck made her drop to her knees.

I'm cruel, but it really was fun. "We're the same, you and I," he tried. I was about to deny that. But he said, "I see that you enjoyed killing my disciples. You enjoyed hunting them like animals. You enjoyed being a soldier for once," he paused, then continued, "you enjoyed the thought of saving everyone, or dying if you didn't. Basically," he smacked his gum, "you enjoyed the warring situations. And that, is how we are similar."

"I don't see it," I admitted. Since when was he ever fighting for the life of London, or anywhere else for that matter?

He laughed softly, "You don't know, do you?" he asked as I shook my head in confusion. He let out a breathy chuckle, "I wasn't always like this," obviously, "I had a family. I had a little brother, a year younger than I, and my parents were happy as could be. Until the year my father died..." he said, as if he was disgusted of his past suddenly.

I leaned forward to listen to the rest, "My mother was the most gentle creature I had known, until she saw my old man die on that hospital bed." He looked off to the side as if he was remembering it and it was in front of his eyes, "That night, she drank too much and hung herself," he looked up at the roof, "These people took my brother and I and separated us. He was just an infant and wouldn't remember me now. But I was eight, and I remember almost all of it," he looked back down at the table he sat at.

I felt bad now, but not much, "So what killed him?" I asked about his father.

"It was who, not what. My father was an intelligent man. He was basically a professional hacker," explains Jim, "and many wanted him dead for it. But there was one man who actually pulled it off. His name," he leaned back and looked at me with anger in his eyes, "was Charles. Charles Augustus Magnussen." I didn't recognize the name right away, but I swear I'd heard it from somewhere. "And I have not succeeded in killing him yet, but I would do anything to avenge my father's death," so that was it.

But then, "Why do all this then?" I motioned to us and the rest of the world.

"As I said, it's a game," he said playfully. So revenge has drove him into insanity and now he's dropping into the river under the bridge he broke. And once he pulls that trigger and Charles is dead, he will plunge into the depths of himself and be lost forever. But if my parents had been murdered I'd feel the same way. Although, my parents are completely normal and boring.

"So I'm a distraction," I say, confirming it.

"Nope. Think about it," he said as he stood and walked away. "Text me when you understand," he said. And out the door he was.

Understand? What is there to get? He wants revenge and I'm a distraction. No, wait, he said I wasn't. Then what am I? Am I part of this somehow? No, how could I be part of his parents' deaths?

No, but he seemed interested in John. And I'm with John, I guess. So what could John have to do with this? Did he participate in killing his parents? No, that's not John. Jim did say, though, that his father was a great hacker. Maybe he knew he was going to die and taught Moriarty all he knew.

Oh, but then what about the little brother? He said he had an infant brother. What does he have to do with all of this? But he wouldn't have mentioned all of this, unless it had something to do with John and I. Ah! I thumped my head onto the table and pulled my cell out of my pocket and texted John.

As I moved to the outside of the building: _I'm at Angelo's. I might be here for a while. Thinking and don't wanna move- SH_

I sat on the sidewalk and leaned against the building. I would have gone to the bench but it was too far away. And so I sat, halfway into my mind palace, and halfway into the world around me, waiting for John to text back.

When he did: _Then why did you bother to text me? I thought thinking was important?- JW_

_It is. But I wanted you to know where I was. Now shut up- SH _and I slipped my phone back in my pocket and delved deeper into my palace. I wandered my rooms, looking through my books and computers and trying to find where I fit into Jim's life before I even knew him.

I couldn't find a thing. Except for that maybe we went to school together. Because I deleted all of the kids from school. I didn't like the memories, so out the door they went. But maybe. But I didn't go to school with John, did I?

No, I would have remembered the second I met him that day in the lab. So then what the fuck else? Once again, he confused me.

That was when I decided to leave my mansion and my meadows and my libraries, and came back to the real world. But as I texted John again that I was going home, and I walked back to our flat, I couldn't stop trying to find out how all of this was connected.

It was after I closed the door to our flat that I noticed how long I had sat out there. My fingers and face were numb (plus my ass felt like it was going numb) and it was only a few seconds after I had stripped my coat that John walked through the door. I looked at his watch by pulling his wrist to where I could see, damn. I was out there for almost half the day. People must have thought I was crazy.

"Sherlock, what have you been thinking about so much?" John's eyes searched mine. I shook my head and waved my hand to dismiss it as I turned away because I was going to sit in my chair. But he grabbed my wrist, "No," his grip softened as I faced him, "tell me."

"It wouldn't be wise for me to tell you," I admitted to him. I shouldn't lie anymore. His face asked why. But I couldn't tell him why either. He'd be pissed, and I want him to be happy.

He exhaled through his nose and his lips straightened into a line as he let go of my wrist, "Okay," he said as he sat in his chair, "Will you tell me at some point?" he asked.

I nodded, "Eventually," I assured him. Probably not anytime soon, but eventually. I sat on the couch and once again went into my palace. This time, I searched everywhere. I tore apart my house, my libraries and even the restaurants that I liked or go to. I still found nothing except for the irrelevant things about John and I, and Jim.

John Hamish Watson hates his middle name. He was adopted by his two parents and his adopted father died when he was four. He is an ex- soldier in the army and he was and still is a doctor. He loves jam on toast. He has hidden muscles… hidden under those stupid jumpers he puts over his flannel shirts. But he is soft, kind and caring and never turns down the opportunity to help another. He had a limp that I fixed and he is now currently my boyfriend.

And the other things about Jim and I, are already known to everyone. Nothing new is there. But I do wish I knew who had adopted Jim after his parents died. And who his brother was, maybe it's his brother that we've met. Did we meet someone who could have been a Moriarty at heart but was adopted by someone else?

I don't know. "Ah! I hate not knowing," I stood and kicked the chair I had been sitting ion, which hurt because I wasn't wearing sock or shoes. I didn't show the pain, but John looked at me, confused.

"Sherlock?" I rolled my eyes and laid down on the couch. I put my hands under my chin, as if I was praying, and began to dig deeper.

I tried, I really did, but I couldn't find anything. And I tried desperately. I even begged John to tell me about his past to see if I missed something. As I listened to his finished words again in my mind, I couldn't find anything. But maybe I was too frustrated by now.

So I gave up for the night. I need to think about something else. I'm not letting it take over, I just need to figure it out before Moriarty pulls something and I don't know anything about it. I have a feeling that's why he said all those things, because he was warning me. But about what?! Ah! Okay, I need to stop. I need a distraction.

"John," he hummed that he was listening, "I need a shower. Would you join me?" I asked suddenly.

"Don't you think it's a bit early for that?" he asked, smiling anyway.

"We don't have to go ALL the way, but…" I left it wide open to anything that could be said. He pursed his lips in thought, and nodded finally. "And maybe afterwards we could get something to eat?" I asked.

He smiled and laughed a little, "Yeah. Sure," he confirmed. So I stood and walked to where I stood over him and I offered my hand to help him from the chair. He took my hand and was surprised that I easily yanked him from the cushion and he landed in my arms.

He looked up at me and smiled as I planted my lips on his lightly. I pulled away slightly and crushed them together harder this time. He participated as I pulled him through the hall and to the bathroom beside my room. I never once let go of him.

He stripped me as I did the same to him. I turned the water on and as I waited for the warm water to come rushing, my lips landed on the soldier's again. I deepened the kiss as we rubbed together and I could tell we were both about to give up.

But we didn't. We contained the burning passion and jumped in the shower under the warm, almost too hot water. I let it slide down my back and it straightened my curls slightly as it drenched us both. John looked so sexy wet.

I pinned him to the wall of the shower and attacked his neck with kisses and bites. Nothing left a permanent mark, and as the bite marks faded, I slid to my knees in front of him. I had only a little bit of an idea on what to do.

I stroked his thigh as I tortured his hips with light and fluffy kisses. I finally gave in and pleasured him when I heard him moan for more. I kissed up one side of his shaft and licked down the other, catching a part of his thigh as well.

I took almost all of him in my mouth and my tongue made swirls around his head and my top teeth ran along his length and I pulled off but my tongue stayed. Licking up and down and around. And after I took him in my mouth for the second time, he gave me all of it, which I swallowed and it wasn't lovely, but it didn't taste bad either, so I could do this again. If he really wanted to.

I stood once more and my lips connected with his before we finished the shower. John promised he would return my little favor at some point. Honestly, I don't care if he does. With me, he can be as selfish as he wants.

He can have me and make me do whatever, and I will obey my captain without a second thought. He deserves to take what he wants. He's had so much taken from him that he needs something in return.

But as I tried to tell him not to, he promised he would repay me. I tried to tell him I didn't need repayment, but he denied me. He said I was going to get it when we got back home.

"Fine," I gave in as I pulled on my coat. I hadn't bothered with the jacket of my suit and I was wearing John's favorite purple shirt. I had also convinced John to wear a suit, and he looked fucking sexy in it.

The flannel was grey under the black, and it suited him so well as he slipped on his brown coat and we walked out the door and down the stairs. Before we walked out on the sidewalk, he took my hand.

As we walked, he warmed me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as he let go of my hand and wrapped his own around my waist. His arms around me under my coat was so comfortable.

He changed me. I used to hate physical contact. Even from John, (when I barely knew him), but now I seek it out.

But with John it was different. It was as if when I'm not touching him, he's not here. And I want him to be here always, so I always have to have him by my side, or attached to it, haha. We walked through the door to Angelo's and his eyes lit up as he saw John and I in this situation.

We took our favorite table as he grabbed a candle once more. He always did this, it was his thing for us. every time we came in, he ran for it. We ordered and I ate some, but not all of what was given to me. John was about to complain and I stopped him by kissing him.

He gave up on me and accepted the fact that I had even eaten anything at all. But the most interesting part of my evening wasn't the dinner…

* * *

**I should warn you that the chapters after this are going to get a lot longer, because I am bored as hell. So expect to read so much more. But do please review so far. : ) **


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Yes, the title is the name of a band, but this chapter was inspired by one of their songs. The idea obviously grew to this fantasticness. But still… enjoy!**

* * *

Story of the Year

As we walked back to our flat, his hand was warm in mine and I had no need to hold him, but I wanted to so bad. But I didn't because I needed to stay alert for what could happen. Now that Moriarty is back for good, a lot could happen.

John and I had settled that we would only cuddle in a cab, and even then it could be dangerous. But we'll take that risk.

But as we walked, we were still extremely close. We rubbed against each other and I could feel his pulse through my own wrist, his heart was pounding. But mine wasn't any better. It felt as though it might leap out of my chest any second.

I tried to calm myself, but this was John and I couldn't. what was so different now? I wasn't sure, but it felt as though we were closer than before, we know more about each other. But even so, I need to slow my heartbeat. It's making me feel lightheaded.

So I tried thinking about something else. That didn't work, with John attached to me, all I could think was him. All I could breathe was him, all I could taste was him. I wanted more than his hand in mine. I wanted his hands all over me. I wanted to put my hands all over him.

But I didn't want to be selfish. He could have me, if he wanted me. I would have him if he wanted me to have him. Oh, but it hurts so much.

I slammed the door open and slammed it closed as John was pinned to the wall. I rubbed myself against him and it wasn't enough. My lips connected to his harder and my tongue slid past his lips in seconds.

The taste of him, it made me mad. He pressed our hips together as his tongue dominated my own, tasting me and exploring all that I wanted him to, all that he wanted and needed. He will have me before I have him, I won't let myself take him. He needs to take something for once.

This was why I let him lead me into his bedroom. But before then he had stripped my jacket and my scarf and I stripped his coat and the jacket to his suit. I started pulling at his flannel as he shut the door to his room and he slammed me to his wall.

I pulled our hips closer and he rubbed up against me as he caught his lips on my own. He bit my bottom lip briefly before sliding his tongue in once more. The taste of him made everything harder to control.

He pulled the bottom of my shirt out of my pants and unbuttoned it. After each button was popped open he kissed the skin revealed, and I couldn't help the whimper when he stopped. He was almost on his knees, but I grabbed his shoulders and made him come back to my lips. As I said, I will not take use him. He will use me.

We slipped off our shoes and the shirt fell from my shoulders. I looked at his shirt and wondered if I was allowed to rip it open and ruin the buttons. But I decided not to, and as the buttons fell open, I licked and kissed his skin. It was so perfect, and his moans were so perfect. I nibbled his nipple slightly before coming back up to his lips, and he shook the flannel from his body.

The skin revealed made me jealous. He was so soft and even the faint stripe of blond hair under his belly button was adorable. But I didn't really have time to admire all of it, because he pressed me to the wall again, and though he was shorter, he was stronger, and I loved being handled like this.

I grunted and he slid his hands down to my belt. He undid the buckle and slipped it out and threw it to the floor. I used one leg to bring his hips closer as I captured his face in my hands and crashed our lips together again. I never knew how good this could be. Asexual? Hell no!

As my pants slid to the floor and my socks were pulled off in them, he pushed himself into me and we were almost breathless as he bit me. he almost drew blood, but I didn't care. He was on me and I didn't want it to stop.

I undid his belt and didn't bother with removing it from his pants, I just unbuttoned them and they slid to the floor, "John," he hummed into my skin, "more…" I demanded.

I needed more, and he knew as he slid my underwear from my hips and to my thighs and eventually they hit the floor. Thank god! Freedom, the clothes lid from him were too tight anyway. I slipped from him and lead him to the bed where I put myself under him.

I ripped his underwear from his perfect hips and threw them at the wall. I chuckled as I made him stand up straight and I sat on the edge of the bed. I sunk my nails into his bum and pushed him into my mouth.

I nibbled his head and my tongue explored his shaft and I sucked slightly when I pulled my mouth off and I kissed the soft skin he called his scrotum. I bit into his thigh as my fingers wrapped around his member.

I squeezed gently and the moans he gave me turned me on even more, which I didn't think was possible. His fingers wandered as one hand squeezed my shoulder and the other was deep into my curls.

He pulled slightly and I bit down harder as my strokes became just a grip and my thumb wiggled over his head. My teeth let go and I moaned as he pulled my hair and my head fell back away from him, but the grip never faded, as a matter of fact, it became harder. But as his knees supported him and he was over me, I slipped him back into my mouth.

"Sherlock!" and he finally came and I slurped it up again. But this time, I swear he tasted sweeter. It was weird, but he collapsed onto the bed beside me. he was still shaking from the orgasm I gave him as he sat up once more and was behind me, his hands were all over me.

Then they were focused on the erection that didn't fade. I was about to pull his hands away when he struck a chord. It made me gasp and moan as I bit my lip. Blood was dripping from my bottom lip as his grip became light and felt like a pleasurable feather stroking me.

His hand landed on my thigh as I came into the other. He licked his palm, "You taste good," he whispered into my ear. He slammed me down onto the bed and licked the cum that dripped onto my abdomen.

It felt strange but almost gave me another erection, but instead I giggled, which I was surprised by, and he fell on the bed beside me with a sigh of satisfaction. He looked at me, I was smiling like an idiot and he laughed, "Why are you so good at that?" he asked.

I shrugged, "You're good, too."

"I doubt I'm as good as that. god, even your teeth were driving me crazy. You've got to tell me how you knew to do that," he cuddled into me and expected me to answer.

But all I could say was, "I didn't. it just felt like you were enjoying it, so I stepped it up a bit." I looked down at his thigh where I bit him, and I felt over the mark I left. I hated that I did that, but he liked it, so I guess it balanced itself out.

But he looked at my lips, "Oh, Sherlock. Look what I did to-" I cut him off with a kiss that said I don't care.

I licked the blood from my lip and from where I left it on his, "I don't care what's happened to me, but if you get hurt I can't. I won't, be able live with myself," I told him.

"Well, I'm okay, and I always will be," he said to try to get me to cheer up, "I love you, Sherlock," he admitted, "until the day I die."

"Is that so?" I teased him.

"Yes," he assured me with a nod.

"Mm. I love you, too," I mumbled through a kiss. I scooped up the blanket from the floor and threw it over us as I cuddled into his chest. He exhaled in satisfaction as I fell asleep. But sleep proves to be worse than the real world lately.

I was in my pajamas and robe as I fell to the earth cave I had landed in before. So it wasn't gone, just where I couldn't find it. I stood and behind me the earth ended, so I had to walk forward.

Suddenly I wished John was here, and then he was. He took my hand, "Sherlock," he said in confirmation that it was me. He leaned into me as we walked, and my bare feet hit the dirt and it felt so good, for some strange reason.

Maybe it was the fact that the ground will be there when I fall, and I trust it. I trust John, but in this I found myself doubting him. No! John would die for me, he said so, and I trust him more than anyone or anything else.

I glared at the ground for making me doubt my soldier, and I ran into someone. "Ah!" it was Jim. He was grinning, and I shivered, but stood taller.

John could tell I hated him with a burning passion, and he tightened his grip as I tried to punch him, "Sherlock," he warned, "you should trust your doctor. You should cherish him, before something bad happens. Even though, I would never let anything happen. I care too much," but he was still grinning menacingly.

"You care?! How dare you!" I screamed. He embraced me as he ripped John's hand from mine. I shivered from his unwanted touch and his hands slid to my ass. He squeezed me and I didn't do anything.

"Shoo," he waved his hand at John and he screamed as he disappeared. But what hurt was that he was so confused and I could tell he felt betrayed. The worst things I could ever do to John…

But my attention was brought back to Jim kissing my neck, "He always did take my things," he complained and bit me. he really likes that. he slid he robe from my shoulders and pulled my shirt over my head, and I couldn't do anything about it.

I wanted to lash out and kick him off of me, but it was as if he trapped me in myself, and replaced my shell with a lusting idiot. I screamed at myself to retaliate but I didn't. I hated myself, but all I did was stand there and accept everything he did to me.

His nails dug into the back of my thigh as my pants hit the earth. Suddenly my hands were holding his head and he pulled my underwear to my ankles. I screamed and pounded on the door to make myself move. I stomped and screamed until I was light headed.

It didn't do anything but radiate from my body as a moan. No! I do not enjoy this! Unhand me this instant! Get your mouth off of me!

I finally started to resist, but he bit me and as I moaned, I was pushed back into my room and the door was locked again. I pounded on it as I heard John asking me why. Why was I letting him do this!?

I kicked the door until my toes were broken and I punched the floor as I sunk to it. My knuckle was busted open as I threaded my fingers through my hair. Why am I in here? Why am I feeling this? Why aren't I doing something to stop him?

It's like he took the way I was with John and put it on the outside, and the rest of me, he locked away. As the moans and screams of pleasure left my lips and my head rolled back, I started to sob angrily.

No! Stop! I stood again and limped as I broke the handle to the door and I was me again. The anger flooded through me as the pleasure was gone. Jim looked up at me, grinning. I punched him in the mouth and that didn't seem to affect him. So I did it again. And again, and again. Nothing…

He pulled all my clothes back on me and he embraced me again, "Did you like it?" he asked, completely mad.

"No!" a growl ripped through my chest and I hadn't even realized I could make such a sound. "Get off of me!" I pushed him, but he didn't let go. I punched him in the stomach and he let go, but not because I punched him, because he was confused.

Why can't I hurt him? What is he doing that I can't hurt him? What am I missing?! "Why are you trying to hurt me?" he asked as if he was really concerned.

"Because," I broke into sobs as he disappeared, "Because you hurt me!" I took in another breath, "You sodding bastard! You took everything from me!" I didn't care if he was there to hear it, I still said it.

Then there was John behind me, "Sherlock," he shook my shoulder.

The sobs rocked through my body as I screamed Jim's name in anger and declared that I will kill him, no matter what.

That was when I woke again, to find John shaking me. but at first I didn't know it was John and I scrambled from his touch and fell to the floor. More tears fell as I whispered, "I'm going insane," I curled up into a ball and sobbed violently as John got up.

His touch made me jump and I almost hit him. No, I will not hurt John, "Sherlock," he whispered. His voice made the tears fall harder. I grabbed him into a hug and held on as if he was my raft to safety from the ocean of fears I had jumped into.

"John," my voice was shaking from all the tears, and they didn't stop as I choked out, "He will die for this," I declared again.

"Who?" he asked in a soft and calm voice, as if I was a crying child. And I might as well be.

Then I realized that I couldn't tell John, "Never mind," I let the last of my tears hit his shoulder and I was still shaking as I sat on top of him, "Would- would you…" I had difficulty getting my words to flow properly, "Will you promise that you will never leave me?" I asked the sandy haired soldier under me.

He nodded, "I will," he promised. My arms settled around his shoulders and I embraced him once more and I didn't want to let go. So I didn't.

But as the time passed, I realized I needed to, so that John could get to work. I really didn't want to, but he had to leave, and I needed to think about what Jim said. God, just his name terrified me. Maybe I just won't sleep, then. Maybe I should just stay up and that'll resolve my nightmare issue.

I moved off of John and let him slip out from under me as he dug through his closet. He didn't bother with a jumper today, for some reason. But the jeans fit nicely around his hips and made his butt pop, as with any other thing he wears.

I think it's just because he has a nice ass, but hey, I could be wrong. I finally stood, and brought him close, which felt weird, seeing as I wasn't wearing a thing and he was completely dressed, "Sherlock, I have to-" I kissed him, long, soft and passionate. There to stay on his lips and remind him that I was his and I will never let anyone get in the way of that.

"Bye, I guess," I said and he slipped out the door, already running late and didn't have time for breakfast like he normally does. I sighed and walked into my own room, and pulled on my usual clothing, and went to the living room to sit.

Mrs. Hudson came in just before John had to leave, and he kissed me as he looked up to see her standing in the doorway, "Uh. Mrs. Hudson, hey. I'm late and I need to go," he made the excuse and left.

"Alright dearie, I'll see you later, then," and she turned back to Sherlock, smiling, "I knew it," she lit up and went about how she knew from the start that John and I were destined to be together.

I ignored her prattle and dove into the sea of my mind. I drowned her out as I was drowning myself, looking for answers. I came up for air and gasped as I finally found what I was looking for. Even my dreams were hinting to this, and I couldn't see it. Maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself, but now I think I know.

And, if what I think is true, it would explain a lot. Actually it would explain almost everything. Almost, I'd still have a few things to figure out for myself, but this will help. So I pulled out my phone and texted the man I most loathed.

There was a reply within seconds: _I doubt you know… but meet me where we met the second time. _

The pool, of course. Somewhere he can control what goes on, and what won't.

But I stood anyway, "Mrs. Hudson," she shut up, "I'm going somewhere and won't be back for a while. If John gets home could you tell him I'll be fine?" texting is so boring. Besides, John and Mrs. Hudson need to reconnect.

I checked the time before I left, yup, I was out for about 45 minutes. God, I really need to speed things up. But it's okay, I'm getting better at this. I took my coat and slipped my scarf around my neck, and as I walked out the door I slipped on my gloves, "How long do you plan on staying out?" she asked behind me as I descended the stairs.

"Possibly all day." It won't take long to talk to Jim, but it'll take longer to get a case. I have a feeling that after this, I'll need something else to distract myself from thinking about his words, and John won't be there. And so off I was, to see the criminal that will probably make me cringe at the very sight of him.

But I called a cab and recited the address, and still I couldn't help thinking about what he was going to say about my deductions. What if he asks how I know? What do I say? I cannot tell him I've been having nightmares and that's how I know. He'd use that against me.

Never mind that, I'll think of it later. But what about the fact that if what I think is true, then John has a past that I am very sorry for, and in return I'll probably pity Jim as well. I shuttered just thinking about that. Pity the man I hate? I wouldn't.

No, but if John knew, he would. Damn, this just doesn't have a happy ending, does it?

* * *

**Somewhere, along this, I decided to switch to John's perspective… I have no idea.**

* * *

I looked down at my desk, then at my watch. Fuck it, five minutes, I'm out. I grabbed my coat and I was out of there.

I hailed a cab, and checked my phone and was surprised that Sherlock hadn't started texting me yet. Strange, but it is him. He's probably caught up somewhere thinking about something. What, no one knows, but oh well. It's his thing, and… well, he's my thing, so maybe I could bug him about it, and get him to tell me what he's been thinking about lately.

But as I climbed into the cab, and recited our address, I couldn't help but feel as though what he's thinking about is something I shouldn't get into. You know what, I don't care, he's telling me. I don't care how bad it is, we share everything and I would tell him anything he wanted to know, so he's telling me.

I stepped out onto the sidewalk and as I paid the cabbie, I looked at the door, and thought of the first time I came here. It confused me that a man I didn't know wanted to my flatmate, but that was years ago.

I still had my cane then. I laughed internally, he took my cane and gave me life again. Something almost everyone else couldn't do. Mary helped after he fell, but she wasn't Sherlock and I was cruel for thinking I could give her a chance at replacing him.

It still haunts me, and now that we work together as just co-workers, she can hate me all she wants, and I think she does.

Anyway, stop thinking about her. I walked through the door and stomped up the stairs and to the kitchen. I need something to eat that isn't hospital food. But as always, there was nothing in the fridge that was worthy enough.

I looked into the living room, where's Sherlock? I went back downstairs to Mrs. Hudson's place, I poked my head in, "Mrs. Hudson?" she looked to me, "Where's Sherlock?" I asked.

If anyone knows, she will. "Oh," she stood, "He said he'd be somewhere, but that you shouldn't worry. He'll be home soon," she smiled and I trudged back upstairs. Fucking Sherlock, he's always somewhere I don't need him to be. I need him here.

But I called and ordered food that I was fuckin' hungry for, and just after I put the phone down, Sherlock walked through the door. At least I was hoping it was Sherlock. Oh god, please let it be him. He appeared in the doorway and slipped his coat and scarf from himself, he hung hem and sat in his chair, "I assume you ordered food?" he asked.

I nodded, "What have you been thinking about, Sherlock, tell me?" he shook his curls and looked at me and begged me not to ask again. I almost didn't. but I got closer and kneeled by his side, "Sherlock," I looked up at my detective, "I want to know what troubles you so much, please?" I practically begged.

I touched his forearm, and he flinched slightly enough that I wasn't watching him I wouldn't have caught it, "It's… where do I start?" he asked as his eyes worried about me.

I cleared my throat, "Where do you think the beginning is?" I asked, so he would just tell me all he could.

He sighed and heaved in one huge breath and let it all out, "Moriarty is alive, and he told me stuff about his past and he told me he had an infant brother that was taken from him when his parents died. His father was murdered and his mother committed suicide, and after all that they took his brother. But what surprised me most was who his brother is…" he looked down at me and I stood briefly before sitting in his lap.

"Tell me," I said simply.

"You were adopted, correct?" I nodded, but what does that have to do with-, "You are his little brother… and I didn't want to believe it at first, but it's true. And he has an enemy he's been hunting down…" I drowned out his words as I thought about this.

It matched up well, I was adopted and I never knew my real parents. And my loneliness is explained. I never did have a sibling, or at least I thought I didn't. but how can Jim be my older brother? This just…, "How?" I stopped his speech.

"What?" he seemed confused. I asked again, and he simply said, "I don't know. But it explains a lot." I gave him a look like he's sure he's serious? "You two are opposite side of a coin. You both have violent tendencies, but for different reasons. His aren't so good, and yours are for what you believe is right. Think about it," his lips spoke to me, but I didn't look, "And he's seeking revenge on the man that murdered your father."

"He's what?" my voice was low and almost a whisper, but Sherlock heard me.

"I was tempted to help, but this is his fight and I didn't want to get us into that. besides, you don't remember anything about your past, and I want it to stay that way. Can we just forget this ever was spoken?" but he knew I would never forget.

"How?" I choked out and buried my head in his neck. He didn't answer but we both were thinking, "I don't know," and I don't know why, but I had tears growing. I cut them off and they didn't fall as I asked, "So what about your dreams?" I know this is pushing it, but I had to ask.

"They're… he's in them. As well as you, and things always happen that I hate. But you're always there when I wake up, so I don't care what my brain makes me think about," I looked at him and he smiled.

I kissed him lightly, "Could you tell me about them?" again, I was pushing, but I need to know. Surprisingly, he didn't hesitate to tell me.

He told me about the first and the last one, that was last night. And I have to admit, that it did get worse each time. Even I was shaking, what Jim did. And the last one, he was right. Me being his brother does explain everything.

But then there was someone at the door. "Oh," I jumped up and went to grab the food. As I paid her, Sherlock walked up behind me, "Sherlock," I giggled as he kissed my neck, "stop it," the delivery girl blushed and walked away. I closed the door and handed him the food I expected him to eat.

He accepted it and we walked back to the main room. he plopped down in his chair and ate. Which I almost never see him do. It was weird, but I quit staring and ate. I was starving, and it tasted so good. Almost like Sherlock. God, when I licked that off my hand, it was like candy.

I wanted more, and even now, I think I wanted more. But I pushed it off. I won't make him do what he doesn't want to. But God, I wanted it.

I threw the container away and took Sherlock's, he was obviously done. But as I was going to walk out to the living room again, he was behind me. He gripped my hips and pulled me closer.

His curls tickled my ear as his lips brushed over my neck, "Sherlock," he hummed, "Do you need a distraction?" I teased.

He nodded, "Yes, please…" he licked me and I turned to meet his hungry eyes. His hair tickled my nose as he rested his forehead on mine.

"I love you," I said, and smiled as he said it back. I always love hearing his voice so close to me…

* * *

**There you have it. I bet you can tell what the next chapter starts with... :P Reviews?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Again, inspired by a song…**

* * *

Broken Hearts Parade

I honestly expected John to react differently. I expected him to deny that he was Jim's brother. But I know he is, because it's right there. Plus, when I told Jim, he didn't deny it, he embraced it. And it would explain his comment about how John always took his things. Infants are quite annoying.

(Although, I wouldn't know, I wish I did, but I don't.)

So there I stood, leaning into John, asking for a distraction. And in the quiet, that was when we noticed the music from next door, I gave John a questioning look and he shrugged. But this was annoying as hell, "Come, John," I took his hand and we went to Mrs. Hudson's. I slammed the door open, "What the hell is going on over there?" I pointed to where the music was coming from.

She shook her head, "I have no idea. I think it's a rave. Stupid kids," she mumbled.

I turned to John, "You hear that, John?" I could see the look on his face and it "Oh God no." "Come one, sexy," I said not caring that Mrs. Hudson was right there, "Let's have some fun. We both need a distraction and what better way than to-"

He cut me off, "You, want to take me clubbing with you?" he asked, getting things straight. I nodded and smiled. I looked back to Mrs. Hudson and grinned as I closed the door and trudged back up the living room.

John followed and when I stood still, he grabbed my hips, "I don't have attire that would match that kind of thing," he complained.

I turned around and thought for a second, "What about your uniform, Sexy?" I suggested. He shook his head and smiled.

"No." he laughed, "I don't look that good in uniform," he tried.

"Mm. Let me decide that for myself," I paused before dragging the last word out as if to plead, "Sexy."

His cheeks burned as he gave in, "Fine. But I'm not getting drunk," because he knows I will. Probably.

I squeezed his bum and let go as he marched up to his room. I followed after to my own, and dug out clothes I never thought I'd see again in my life, let alone wear.

I had black skinny jeans that hugged my hips all the way down to my ankles, and it made my butt pop and I liked it, actually. I pulled on Converse, that were black and looked new, I haven't worn them in so long. I completed it with a sleeveless band shirt. Haha, Peirce the Veil… I was about to leave, when I found my old black beanie on the floor of my closet. When I was a teen, I was weird.

I slipped my phone in my front pocket, because in the back it would slide out, and looked one last time in the mirror. I looked ten years younger, I looked fucking hot, but younger definitely.

I walked out and ran into John and I examined him. The jacket with the red cross that he rolled up the sleeves to his elbows in, to the pants with a million fucking pockets, and to the boots that completed the sexiness that is John. He even wore the beret that had the medic pin on it, and it just looked… God, I was almost turned on, just looking at the soldier.

He saw the look about me and chuckled, "So, you like it then?"

"Yes Captain," I teased and grabbed his arse and brought him closer. I kissed his lips before he pulled back.

He simply said, "You look amazing. Younger, but still sexy," he purred. I grinned and kissed him again.

"Because when I was a teen, I dressed like this every day," he tilted his head and shook it off. The thought of me like this every day, made his mind wander. I liked that. "So," I grabbed his attention again, "Where do you want to go, first?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I'm not sure, I don't know of any places," he said.

"I have the perfect one," I said. I lead him to the sidewalk and didn't bother with our jackets. He has one and I don't need one, I don't care. It was cold, but not freezing. I hailed a cab and mumbled an address so the cabbie could hear it, but John couldn't.

I took his hand in mine and grinned at him. He seemed confused, "This better be worth it," he threatened.

"Or what?" I teased, "You'll spank me?" I asked, whispering it in his ear. He blushed and I was satisfied. I rubbed my hand on his thigh as he put his own over it, and I went up further, almost on his groin. He squirmed and I smiled.

But the fun has only just begun. I backed off and sat just holding his hand in my own, and didn't touch him anymore. I could tell he wanted me to, but I wouldn't. Not until he made me, until he ordered me to. As I said before, I won't take advantage unless he makes me. he needs to take something for himself.

When we stopped I drug him from the cab as he threw cash at the cabbie. The cabbie wasn't very happy with this, but I didn't care, I had John to dance with tonight. If you call what I plan to do dancing, anyway.

I grinned as music poured from the club. It wasn't a gay bar, as everyone thinks we should go to. But it was definitely full of every kind of couple, even some with three people. I will never understand how one wasn't enough, but anyway.

I nodded to, "Freddy," John was surprised I knew him, and he gave Freddy a weird look as I pulled the soldier in behind me.

Freddy nodded back, "Sherl," he always shortened someone's name, no matter what it was. I pulled John to a both in the corner away from the people on the dance floor. The music pounded and I could barely hear him.

But he leaned in closer, "Sherlock, was this really a good idea?" I nodded, and glared at the people eying John. I pulled him in my lap to show he was mine and a waitress came over to us. John ordered for me, and I pouted that he just got me soda. "Sherlock, no. I will not have you drunk. Especially wearing that." was he complimenting me, or insulting me?

I took it as a compliment, "I doubt I'm much to the eye," I said, "but you, on the other hand," I hugged him tighter as the woman set our drinks on the table. John handed her cash and she took it and walked off.

She was blushing from the fact that she met the Great Holmes and Watson, and they were cuddling in a club, looking like a pair of teens. But we looked like fucking sexy teens. I finished my drink that I'll need, because I pulled John out to the middle of the dance floor.

I put him in front of me and my groin landed on his arse and he was a little surprised that I wanted to do this. But then I made him face me, and crushed together to whisper,  
"Take control." He was about to protest as I put myself in his hips and brought him arms around myself, I leaned into him as I said, "You know you want to," I tempted.

His hand took hold of my waist and he crushed us together and the beat of the music made me decide which move I used next. My hands flew backwards onto his shoulders as I was almost on my knees and when I came back I ground myself into his hips and I could feel that I was doing a good job.

Then I turned to face him and crashed our groins together, and we ground into one another as the songs blended and we pressed ourselves into each other and my mind was gone. All I felt was John, and he felt good. All I tasted was John on my lips and it was amazing.

I asked John if he wanted to go home, and he nodded as I lead him out of the building, and I grabbed his hand as I flagged down a cab and we jumped in. he recited the address as I cuddled into his neck.

He wouldn't settle for this, he made me look at him and grinned before he kissed my neck, and nibbled my ear and I sighed as the cab stopped and it wasn't enough.

He pulled me out of the cab and slammed me against our door. I chuckled as he kissed me. the cabbie bugged him and he simply threw cash at him and continued to focus on me. he slammed us together and I pushed the door open, and as we landed on the floor and slammed the door shut with his foot, he tore my shirt off.

My legs wrapped around his hips and pushed our groins together and it felt so good. I ripped his jacket off of his shoulders and his shirt went over his head. He pulled on the laces of my shoes and they wore off and on the floor. He struggled with his own in haste and I laughed, helping him out of them.

Our sock flew up and hit the floor as he landed on top of me again. Then Mrs. Hudson walked through the door, "Oh!" and she closed the door again. But John still pulled me up off the floor and the sight of my clothes on it, was interesting. But he pulled me all the way to his room and closed and locked the door.

I sat on his bed and leaned back, torturing him with the availability of my body. His eyes were wild with lust as he was on me again. He bit into my neck and moved down to my nipples where he played with them. I never knew that could feel so good. I moaned as I undid his trousers and they were on the floor.

He kissed down my chest and left a love mark on my hip just above the waistband of my jeans. He undid the button with his teeth, which turned me on even more, and slowly zipper came down agonizingly slow and he pulled my jeans from my legs.

I was about to protest and put him under me, but he slid my underwear off and I was in his mouth in seconds. It felt so good all I could do was thread my fingers through his hair and moan his name.

His tongue felt glorious on my head and down my shaft and it traced over my balls and I moaned his name, "John. My sexy John," but then he pulled off and left to get something. And when he came back I pulled his underwear down and as he stepped out of them and closer I noticed what was in his hand. Lubricant. Oh hell yeah, let's go!

He slipped one digit in and followed it with another, and I moaned as he prepared for something that would feel so much better. I heard the tube hit the floor as he laid me down with my head on the pillows, and he teased me by rubbing himself on the outside of my entrance, "Say you want it," he ordered.

"I want it," I purred and panted in his ear.

"Tell me you need it," he drug the words out and I couldn't help but moan again.

"I need it, I need you to love me. Fucking fuck, ah! Fuck me," my nails dug into his back and my thighs tightened around his hips as he slid inside me. slowly but surely he filled me with himself, and it felt so strange, and it hurt at first, but after he started slowly thrusting inside me, all that was left was pleasure.

He moaned and panted as my toes curled in pleasure. I kissed his neck and shoulders to try to quiet myself. But I couldn't. instead the moans vibrated into his skin and it made him thrust faster and as he hit my sweet spot, I yelped in pleasure. He suddenly stopped as he teased, "You like that?"

"Oh God yes!" I panted. "More…" I sighed. He picked back up, slamming himself into me and each time I screamed as sensation crept out over my whole body.

When he came, I did as well. I couldn't hold it anymore. I was everywhere, on me, on him… but he still looked sexy as the last few thrusts took place and he gave up. He collapsed beside me and as our breathing steadied, we laughed at how amazing each of us was.

I leaned over and kissed him as he said, "I thought you never beg," he teased.

"I've never had something so good to beg for," he blushed as I kissed him again. I cuddled into him as he stroked curls from my face, and I fell asleep. I didn't want the dreams again, and I didn't get one.

I actually woke up, still tangled into John, remembering that it was the weekend and I was happy. He stirred, confused that I wasn't screaming or trying to punch him, which I still regret that I that one time.

I smiled at him and he sat up, "No nightmares last night?" he asked. I shook my head as I sat up as well, only to wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in him. He was perfect and his skin against mine felt so good.

It doesn't matter if I'm aroused, or sad, or pissed, or happy, he feels good, no matter what.

He giggled when my curls tickled his stomach and I grinned. I moved and kissed him again and again. I didn't want to move. But I had to. I stood and tried to drag him out of bed, "Lestrade might have a case for us," I offered.

He jumped up and dressed as I left to do the same. He wanted this case as badly as I did. Whatever the case will be. I know Lestrade will have one. As a matter of fact when I was buttoning up my purple shirt, he texted me saying he had another one.

I wore skinny jeans instead of my usual trousers, (yes, to tease John) but I still tucked it in waistband, and I didn't bother with a jacket except for my long black coat and my scarf. I also wore the Converse, they were comfortable and I cursed myself for not knowing this before.

John noticed the black jeans and he smiled at what I tried. He was wearing his jeans and a flannel under a jumper, as always. But somehow, it still made him attractive. His jumpers were always cute and made him look adorable.

My cell dinged and I saw an address, and john and I were out the door and into a cab in less than a minute. On the ride, I got a text from Jim. What a surprise…

_I know something you don't know…- M _

_You know many things I don't know, so?- SH_

_Yes, but this has to do with the case you're on, it connects to Magnussen, and I want you to figure out which way it connects to him.- M_

_I'm not working for you.- SH_

_Work with me, then. Come on, it'll be fun. We can kill him together…- M_

_No.- SH_

_Yes…- M_

And I didn't bother to read the other text he sent me. I didn't deem it important enough. All he was going to do was try to convince me to help him. And I won't. kill Magnussen if you want, but I don't care.

John seemed concerned, and I looked past him out the window and he kept staring at me, "What?" I snapped.

He shrugged his shoulders, used to how cruel I can be. but I softened, "I'm sorry. It's just…" I sighed, "Jim. He wants me to help him avenge his father, and I won't."

John shrugged again and looked out the window as we neared the end of our ride. I let go of his hand and climbed out before he had the chance to move. But I climbed over him, which gave him a nice view.

I chuckled as he blushed and paid the cabbie. We walked down the sidewalk and through the garden and to the side of the lake where there were police talking to witnesses and there was a body. A woman.

I marched up to her, and studied her instantly. She was drowned, and had bruises around her neck. So choked while put under, they were pissed. She cheated on him/her and they murdered her. but how was this related to Magnussen?

I told Lestrade what I had deduced and he asked, "How do you know she cheated?"

"She was an adulterer, of course she cheated. But she was clever about it. And she would have hidden… it…" I didn't finish as I found how this was related to Magnussen. They went to him for help, they suspected she was cheating and when it was confirmed, they murdered her.

I studied the bruises on her neck closer to find if it male or female. Female, interesting. I told Lestrade as much and he was weirded out but he said he would find something, and he thanked me for the help.

I didn't have time to stay and solve it, but I saw the footprints off to the side of the lake, and snickered at the fact they would never have guessed that instead of just being choked, she was drug across the lake. She had entered on the other side and literally drug her through the water so that her screams wouldn't have been heard.

Clever and fucking awesome. That would have been one of those things that they do in the movies. But I walked back out through the garden and to the sidewalk. John followed, "What are you laughing at?" he asked.

"That they'll solve the case, but miss the true nature of the strength behind that woman's fingertips. She was murdered by her girlfriend who entered from that side and drug her across and when she was dead, she left her there," I pointed as I explained it all.

John was surprised, "Damn!" I hummed in agreement. "If you told them that, they wouldn't believe you," he smiled.

"Then why do you?" I questioned.

"Because I love you," this surprised me but he said it as if it was something he said all the time. I recovered and smiled as a woman approached me.

She looked at me as I deduced her. she had caramel brown hair and blue eyes and the clothes she wore were old but hugged her in a way that made her pretty. She had fluffy cheeks as she said, "You're troubled."

I tilted my head at her, "Isn't everyone?" I asked.

"Yes, but does your lover know about the nightmares?" I nodded and she looked to John, "Did you tell him about the worst part?" now I knew who she was. She was a fortune teller. Or, some of version of, and she actually knows things instead of just guessing and pranking people out of money.

I was confused, "The worst part?" I asked, honored that she chose me to deduce today. I love the ones who know what they're doing. Even I have no idea how they know, they just do.

"The fact that you can't hurt what is a part of yourself, can you?" I was still confused. She smiled, "It's okay, you'll know why you couldn't hurt him, soon enough you will understand completely," she assured me. I thought I couldn't hurt him because he was John's older brother and therefore a part of John.

But if that wasn't it… "What did she mean?" John asked as she walked away and I stood dumbfounded.

"I don't… oh, oh! Ew! Oh God no!" I realized why I couldn't hurt him. And then I was silent as John hailed a cab and said our address as I climbed in after him. He cuddled into me and I gave no response. How could that even be? It disgusted me to think that Jim was a part of me as well.

That I couldn't hurt him because I didn't want to. I wanted him to live because in a way, I need him. I wanted to deny it, but as I pulled out my cell and read his text, I couldn't: _You will because I am a part of you and you love me…- M_

I didn't text back but I tucked my cell away and wrapped my arms around John, sill stunned at what I hadn't realized before, and it hurt. It hurt because I have John, and I love him. Then there's Jim and I somehow need to help him.

John didn't ask why I was disgusted, because he knew I would tell him at some point. Besides, if I don't tell him soon, he will bug me about it until I tell him. But for now, I won't tell him. I can't tell him, he'd get jealous and or try to tell me it's not true. But I know it is.

So as I stood outside our flat, I texted Jim how this connected to Magnussen, and I turned my phone off completely. I don't want to be bothered ever again. I just want John, and I slammed the door behind myself as I marched up the stairs and hung my coat and scarf while John followed.

I sat on the couch and as he did as well, I put my feet in his lap as he flipped on the telly, getting that I wasn't leaving. He pulled on the strings to my shoes and pulled them off and they landed with a *plop*, on the floor under us.

His fingers traveled under my socks and made circles around my ankles as I relaxed and watched crap telly with John. He pulled his own socks and shoes off and relaxed as well, while he pulled my socks off. Everything melted away when I heard his laugh. It filled the room with so much joy, I couldn't help but to smile and close my eyes and just listen.

Then he climbed on top of me and kissed me, "Hey," I opened my eyes to see his staring at me. I stared into the dark denim blue and smiled as I sighed. He kissed me again, and again. My hands left my chest and were around his shoulders as he laid his head on me and settled to finish watching the screen that held the pictures that no one really ever paid attention to.

Instead, my mind was on the figure laying on me. his legs in between mine as the television talked away and I kept ignoring it to listen to John's breathing as he curled into me. his arms were under my neck and his fingers were in my curls as his toes ran over mine and he was so warm.

Just this made me love him more. I almost cried, I was so happy to have him near me. his body against mine made me realize that I need him more than anything else. I need him more than Jim, more than my brother, more than my distracting cases.

I remembered last night and smirked at how happy he was to finally have me exactly where he wanted me, although I was happy that he finally took something from me. he took my virginity and I'm happy he finally had something to himself instead of having it taken. He's had so much ripped away from him, and some it was my fault.

I never will forgive myself for falling. I had to, but I could have taken John with me. I could have at the very least, told him. But Mycroft said it wasn't wise, and the one time I listened to my brother was the one time I shouldn't have. I will never forgive him for that, either. I even told Mycroft I will never forgive him.

I may help him by solving cases, but I will always hate him slightly. John just didn't like Mycroft because he thought my elder brother was insensitive. Which wasn't true, but I'll let John believe otherwise. If everyone knew the side of my brother that I knew, his reputation would be ruined. Then again, if people knew the side of me that John knew, my reputation would be ruined.

I wouldn't be a sociopath, and I wouldn't be feared as much. That would be bad. I wonder if anyone fears John. Probably. He can get pretty scary, especially when he yells at me for something I did. Hehe, like using one of his jumpers in my experiments. That was funny.

Somehow I fell asleep, and starting dreaming.

I stood in my meadow, holding John and I could see my house down there away a ways. And then there was Jim, he split us up and grabbed me by my arse and tried to bring me closer, but I pushed him off and grabbed for John.

He pushed John to the ground and looked down on him, "He's mine little brother. Now I have something of yours," he bent over me and grabbed my leg and it wrapped around his waist, "And Mummy isn't alive to take it back," he grabbed my curls and it hurt when his lips crashed into mine.

I tried to break free, but John growled and grabbed Jim by the throat and threw him under his feet. He pressed his foot to Jim's chest as I stood, not sure what to do…

* * *

Let's explore John's dreams, why don't we?

I stood in front of my detective, and he was twitching in his chair, and I wasn't sure if I should get him a case or pleasure him. He flashed me a toothy grin and I decided to try the latter.

I sat on him and his hands scaled my back as I kissed him. But then he was gone. I was pushed off of the chair by Jim and he smiled when I landed on my ass on the floor and it fucking hurt.

Suddenly he was straddling my hips and I tried to get him off, but he slapped me. he fucking slapped me! I punched him and he was on the floor as Sherlock stood over him. He looked afraid, "John!" he exclaimed as he looked at me, "That is no way to treat your older brother," he waggled a finger at me.

He picked Jim up by the collar and brushed him off and hugged him and glared at me over his shoulder. What did I do? He hit me first.

I scream ripped through me and I was on Jim once again, punching the shit out of him. Sherlock ripped me from him again and kissed the criminal. Ah! "Sherlock?!" he shooed me away with his hand as I backed away.

But… he's mine! I ripped him from Jim and made him look at me properly, tears were in my eyes and I was angry, "You're mine."

He scoffed at me, "Hardly, I don't want you. unhand me at once, doctor," he demanded. I let go, but pushed him back and he fell onto the couch as Jim was on him asking if he was okay. Why is Jim concerned for my lover? Why is my lover snogging someone else?! Why doesn't he love me?

What did I do?!

I woke up in a sweat and grabbed at Sherlock to make sure he hadn't left me. it was a dream. It was just a dream. But it hurt so much.

* * *

I woke up to John sobbing into my chest, "John?" and he shook his head and tried to speak but all I heard was disappointment and something about Jim. "Oh, no. John," I cuddled him and tried to calm him.

When he could speak, "Jim… he took you. as if you were an object he took you away and I hated him. And you…" and more tears fell. No John, I won't leave, I'm here, I love you, you are safe and I won't leave you for Jim.

Then I found I was mumbling these things out loud and john was calming as I sat both of us up and hugged him so tight he was out of breath. "I am with you, and you don't have to march alone anymore, little soldier," I promised.

"You promise," he inhaled sharply, "You won't leave?" he hiccupped.

"I promise," and he buried himself in my shoulder. We sat like this for quite some time while he found the courage to speak to me.

He said, "I love you. And I want you to know that no matter what you do to me, I will never leave your side. You are my favorite detective, and I will always be your soldier," he declared.

I smiled and kissed him. My lips lingered over his as it lasted so long and there was so much fire it almost burned me. when we broke, we laughed and ended up kissing again. His tongue gave no warning as it slid past my lips and teeth and hit my own.

I moaned and pushed him out as I tasted him. The taste of him in between my lips was overwhelming. I laid back down and we snogged until we were exhausted and fell asleep again. And all the while the telly was talking about things we no longer cared about.

* * *

**So there you have it. John has bad dreams too. Granted, there aren't as bad as Sherlock's, but he still has them. But their nightmares will soon fade, as this next chapter will be the last, but the best… and the longest. But, reviews? Anyone?**


	8. Chapter 8

The Sweetest Revenge

John and I had had our last nightmare last night. We were done. So we had come up with a plan to help Jim and kill both Magnussen and Moriarty.

It's crazy, we know. But, if we work together and Jim doesn't believe that we'll pull a gun on him, we'll be fine. Today was going to get crazy…

"I'll text him, then," and I did. I texted Jim to meet us, here, at our flat. Yes, as I said, crazy, but it will work. I know it will, it has to. I'm fed up with the dreams and John wants to help any way he can.

Then I called Mycroft, "What?!" he sounded irritated, but out of breath. Was he exercising again? Doesn't matter. I shake my head and tell him of our predicament. "I see, well, I don't much like the man and if it will get Moriarty off the streets I suppose I could help," he said.

Just before he hung up, "Mycroft," I caught his attention, "Thank you," I said sincerely. He hung up, giving no response. I haven't thanked him in years. I think he was surprised at that. oh well, at least he'll send Magnussen straight to us, while Moriarty is on his way here.

It was funny, because Charles was here first before Moriarty came up the stairs. At first Charles was confused, until he looked into the eyes of the man that stood before him, and saw the boy's father he murdered so many years ago. I saw that he chose to deny that as he pushed his glasses up and addressed me, "Why am I here, Holmes?" he was irritated.

"We all need to speak to you," I nodded to each and every one of them. Then there was my brother who came up the stairs and I was surprised to see him. I thought he would let this play out and not care. But he nodded to me as he stole John's chair.

I took mine as John sat on the couch. Jim just stood as Charles sat as far as he could from John, but still on the couch next to him. John even crossed his legs and leaned away towards my brother, which didn't surprise me. He hated Charles as much as anyone else. Just the look of him made someone cringe.

The long nose and the glasses with the eyes behind them that seemed to bore into the very recess of your soul. His long bony fingers folded into each other and landed on his lap. Mycroft twirled his umbrella as he waited for someone to speak first.

Jim leaned on the mantel piece over the fireplace, and stuck his hands in his pockets as he mustered the courage and said, "Why?" we all knew what he was asking.

"Ah," Mycroft stopped this new conversation, "Before we go into that. I want to ask what exactly it is that you do and get paid for," he addressed Magnussen. I looked to him for an answer as Mycroft raised his eyes brows as everyone's eyes (including my own) settled on Charles' answer.

He said simply, "I fix people's lives. Or I ruin them, it really depends on who gives me what."

John piped up, "And how exactly do you ruin or fix someone's life? Blackmail?" he asked irritated.

"A form of it, yes. But, I'm not as bad as people want to say I am," he tried. Uhhu, sure. Keep telling yourself that.

"So," Jim started, "Then why? Tell me," he demanded and his eyes were dark with bloodlust and it made me twitch. I didn't like that look, especially when that look half raped me in my dreams.

Anyway, "Whatever do you mean, "Why?"?" he tried to sound innocent.

Moriarty controlled the swelling anger and swallowed it as he said in a low growl I had never heard before, "Why did you murder a man who didn't need to lose a perfectly good life?" this made me feel bad for him, but John and I's plan still stands.

"Oh, I'm guessing you're the Moriarty?" Jim just scoffed as Charles continued, "He threatened to ruin me, so I ruined him," he stated. Moriarty is kind of out of character today. Is it because he's finally going to get what he desires? Could be…

"You must be lonely," I suddenly said to Magnussen. He looked at me, confused. "Well, there's two sets of brothers," John cringed, "in this room and you're here without family or friends or," I glanced to John briefly, "a significant other. You must be lonely," I said again.

Everyone stared at him as if he was an animal in a zoo as he replied, "I don't need a pet to stroke every time I get lonely. The trigger is my friend and the misery keeps me warm," but all I could see in his eyes was hollowness. It was almost as if he didn't have a soul, therefore no emotions to read.

I glanced at Mycroft and he could see it, too. "I used to be in such a situation, " John said suddenly, still irritated at Charles, but sounded empathetic. Only John could do such a thing. "As if everything around you is falling apart and the next bullet shot could be inside you, so you shoot as much as you can until the day you die. Just saying, I know how it feels," and he didn't continue into how Mary and I saved him. But I could see he wanted to say it.

I smiled briefly at him and looked back to the hacker on my couch. He seemed dumbfounded that someone could hate someone and yet feel for them. I guess you could say, he was surprised at how kind John's intentions were. "Oh, you are the soldier, aren't you?" he asked to confirm that his memory served him correctly.

John nodded, "Always have been and always will be," he declared. And that was John, the doctoring soldier, and it was so amazing.

Jim lingered on the death of his parents, "How did my father threaten you?" he asked.

"He tried to stop me from getting paid," he said simply, glaring at Jim, catching on to the fact that the little Moriarty might continue his father's work.

"And so that gives you an excuse to kill him?" Jim spat.

"Yes," Charles challenged. Jim looked to me as if to beg to just continue with the plan and I shook my head slowly as he looked disappointed. I stopped when Charles looked at me and I smiled the fakest smile I've ever put on my face. Then suddenly, "Does anyone want some tea?" I asked.

They all nodded and I heard someone mumble, "That'd be nice, thank you," it was John.

Of course it was. I put the kettle over the stovetop and let it boil as the tension in the main room never faded. I figured it wouldn't, though. The only one wondering what was going on was Magnussen, and I intended to keep it that way.

I almost laughed at the fact that he had no idea that meeting me would be his last action. John was behind me suddenly and wrapped his arms around my hips, "When this is all done and over with, I want you to fuck me until I can't walk the next morning," he whispered to me.

I sighed as I pulled the kettle from the stove, "Really, John. Now?" it was quiet enough that no one could hear our conversation, and if they did, I still didn't care.

He gripped me harder as I poured the tea into the cups, "Yes. Sorry," he apologized.

"No, it's fine, I just didn't expect you to request such a thing," I smirked at him and set down the tray on the small table that had papers cluttered on it. Everyone grabbed for a cup of tea, and just as I deduced, too. Good. If we fail in killing Charles, he'll die eventually anyway.

And Jim as well. but I played it cool for now, so they didn't suspect that I had a back- up plan. Not even John knew about this one. I felt accomplished, but couldn't show it just yet. I looked at John's watch, please let the time tick by faster.

But it defied me, and I glared at John's wrist. He caught me and covered the watch with his hand and rolled his eyes at me. I smiled briefly before looking to Charles, then Jim and finally to Mycroft. They were all confused about what to do now. And Mycroft could tell what I had done to the tea. I sipped silently and smile at him under the cup. He shook his head at me.

But we all couldn't move, we just waited for someone to do something, or say something, "So," thank God. Magnussen spoke once more, "Why is it them I'm here?" he asked, with a hoity toity attitude.

I rolled my eyes at him and looked to Jim (giving up and wanting this to just be done and over with), "So that we could do this," and I let Jim pull out a gun. I never thought I'd see the day when he truly smiled. It was an evil smile, but he was genuinely happy. This made me resent making him drink the tea. But it's too late now.

Charles wasn't surprised, "To finish your father's job?" Jim nodded, "You and what army?" he asked and smirked. We all stood and brought out a gun that had been hidden on us somewhere. Even Mycroft, which was really weird for me to see. I mean I know he's shot one before, but it just looked weird.

And the next look Charles gave, I stored in my mind palace, it was so funny. He was actually scared. He was disappointed in the soldier, had underestimated the detective and his elder and didn't think the child of the murdered father would actually follow through with such a huge threat.

We all smiled at his pale face. But his features hardened and he stood, "Go ahead," he said. His arms spread wide and he smiled and laughed, "Just do it," he tempted. Haha, little did he know this wasn't a hollow threat.

Jim shot and automatically my gun was aimed at his temple as I planted a bullet in the consulting criminal's brain. But when he died, he was still smiling from the revenge he finally took on the dead man now laying on my couch.

I threw the gun to the desk and Mycroft and John stored theirs in their belted trousers. Then I had the weirdest thought, and without a second one, I embraced Mycroft. He struggled to find an action, but he eventually wrapped his arms around me, "Um," he chuckled nervously.

I let go and put my arm around John's waist, "Thank you, brother," I thanked him once more. "Now could you get someone to clean up this mess?" I asked in haste.

He smiled and laughed briefly before he nodded, "You're most welcome, dearest little brother. And of course, right away," he assured me.

I nodded and John said, "I'll be in my room, with Sherlock, if you do choose to walk in, and I wouldn't," he warned.

Mycroft nodded again awkwardly and John took my hand and lead me to his room. I shrugged at Mycroft and followed John. Mycroft shook his head and smirked at John.

Once through the door, he used me to close it by slamming me into it. "Mm," I replied. He chuckled softly before his lips were on my neck. His mouth felt so good. Kissing, licking, biting, nipping at my soft spots to make me moan.

Then I captured his lips with my own, this telling him to take it slower, if he didn't it'd be over too quickly. He groaned, but did slow down. I slid my tongue past his lips and he tilted his head so I could go deeper. His arms slid around my neck and he leaned into me.

Then it was my turn to pin him to the wall as he looked up at me, I smiled down on him and brushed my lips over his as he grabbed my hips and slowly brought me closer, using the belt loops of my jeans.

Once I was pressed against him his hands went back up and his fingers entwined in my curls as he brought me back down for a deeper kiss. I moaned and it vibrated through my chest and into him through my tongue against his.

John then moved the hand that wasn't buried deep into my hair, down to my shirt, where he unbuttoned it and I shook it from my shoulders. He made circles around my nipple and I moaned into him again.

I could feel him slightly smile at this and he slipped off his shoes and threw me on the bed. I hastily threw my shoes off and looked at the man on top of me and grinned. Then he sat up and while he pulled off our socks, his bum was rubbing on my groin and it made me crazy.

He chuckled and was on top of me completely. His elbows landed on either side of my head as he slid his tongue into my mouth and tasted me again. I pulled off the jumper and as our lips connected again I unbuttoned the flannel.

My hands were greedy and were all over him, and ended in his hair, his soft, short and blond hair. Everything about him was perfect. I was actually getting jealous that I didn't have all that he did.

My legs were wrapped around his hips and I brought us closer, rubbing all of him on all of me. his mouth travelled down to my throat and he slowly licked back up and into my mouth again.

I whimpered when he left my tongue again to bite my neck softly and he started unbuttoning my pants. He teased me by brushing the back of his hand over my member through my underwear as he unzipped my jeans and pulled them off agonizingly slow.

His lips travelled down with him and soon his tongue was on my waist and he nipped and bit me and left a love mark. He then undid his own pants and was on me again. I pulled them down and they were on the floor as the quiet talk in the flat was gone.

Mycroft was finally gone, and hopefully the mess as well. but I honestly didn't care right now. John kicked the pants from his ankles and pressed himself into me as my teeth landed on his neck. Enough to make him moan but not enough to hurt him.

I tortured him with my canines on his hips before I pulled his underwear from him, and I noticed the mark I left from last time I did this. I kissed it apologetically and he moaned as my teeth were on his shaft.

Again, not enough to even leave the slightest mark, but enough to make him moan my name and beg for more. His fingers slid through my curls as I took him in slowly and licked him as much as I could before he moved me again and ripped my underwear from me and surprised me by growling and gulping me down as if it was tea.

"John!" I couldn't help it as his tongue was on my head and his teeth were on my shaft and he hooked his teeth on the head before letting go. His mouth was replaced with his hand as I closed my eyes as pleasure took over and I moaned and whimpered.

"Sherlock," my eyes snapped open, "Look at me," his eyes were staring into mine and I couldn't look away as he made me moan again, this one deep and loud as hell. He smiled and kissed me. I made it deeper as he dug through his nightstand for what he was looking for.

I heard it pop open and felt him push it into my hand, "No. John I-" he shushed me with a kiss.

"You will," he demanded. I obeyed his order and switched our places as I wet my fingers and slid one in, then another and I felt him tremble in pleasure and moan my name to me. I rubbed myself against his entrance as my fingers slid out and I tortured him, "Are you sure about this?" I asked, still smiling but nervous.

He nodded once, "Fuck. Sherlock, just fucking fuck me!" he demanded and ordered me. I gave up and slid in slowly to hear him sigh in satisfaction and at the end of that sig was a small moan.

He dug his heels into my thighs and I started thrusting slowly but surely making him moan.

He tried to contain the scream as I hit his sweet spot. I grinned and bit into his neck as I thrust faster and made him yelp and scream in pleasure and my name escaped so many times I thought I was done. But I so wasn't.

My hand wandered and with each hard thrust, I paused and stroked his member. This seemed to torture him, I was unaware of this until he said, "Stop it and just…" he moaned as I picked up the pace and he tightened before he released into my hand.

A couple more thrusts and I joined him. I was panting, which I hadn't noticed until I stopped and collapsed next to him. He smirked and rolled back on top of me and was kissing me furiously, "Thanks," he giggled.

I pushed him off, "I want you to know, that you can dominate me anytime you like," I commented. I liked that definitely, but I think I liked it more when he took over.

He nodded, "Noted." We looked at each other again and laughed as he asked, "Shower?"

I nodded and we stumbled into it under the heat and I cleaned off my hand as well as where he came on his chest. I nuzzled into his neck, "You've changed me so much, little soldier," I whispered under the hiss of the water.

"I have?" he asked, unsure.

"Yes. I love you…" I nibbled his ear.

He giggled at my curls tickling him, "I love you more," he teased.

"I love you most," again he pouted that he fell for that, again. But we ended up laughing it off and fell into more kisses.

* * *

**Okay, so not the longest. But it felt like the longest. This is the end. But don't worry, because I have so many other ideas, and I actually have another one to put into action. So there will be another story soon enough.. ;) Reviews? **


End file.
